Heading back home empty-handed, his gun barrel still hot from the day's shooting. Flip was forced to stop his truck when the road was blocked by a six-foot-tall blue-necked emu.

He honked the horn and shouted at the creature to move away, but the emu wouldn't budge. It just stood there looking at him with beady yellow eyes. It wouldn't move even when Flip got his shotgun from the back of the truck and fired in the air. The emu was either too mean or too puny-brained to scare.

It must have occurred to Flip as he waited in a standoff with the emu that it looked a lot like a giant chicken with long legs. It also must have occurred to him that there was a lot of eating on that bird, about a thousand times more than a handful of tiny dove br**sts. Better yet. unlike the doves, the emu was holding still. So in a bid to restore his injured masculinity, his aim fine-tuned by hours of flamingo practice, Flip hefted the gun to his shoulder and blew the emu's head clean off.

He returned home with the huge carcass in the back of the truck, expecting to be hailed as a conquering hero.

I was on the patio reading when I heard the familiar putter of Flip's truck and the sound of the engine being cut. Skirting around the trailer, I went to ask if Flip had caught any doves or not. Instead I saw a big dark-feathered body in the pickup bed: and bloodstains all over Flip's camo shirt and jeans like he'd been slaughtering cattle instead of dove hunting.

"Looky here," he told me with a big grin, tipping the bill of his cap back on his head.

"What's that?" I asked in amazement, inching closer to view the thing.

He postured a little. "Shot me an ostrich."

I wrinkled my nose at the smell of fresh blood that wafted thick and sweet in the air. "I don't think that's an ostrich. Flip. I think it's an emu."

"No difference." Flip shrugged, his grin broadening as Mama came to the door of the trailer. "Hey, honey pie.. .look what Daddy brung home."

I'd never seen my mother's eyes turn so big. "Holy shit, " she said. "Flip, where the hell did you get that emu?"

"Shot it on the road," he replied proudly, mistaking her shock for admiration. "Gonna be mighty good eating tonight. Tastes just like beef, they say."

"That thing must be worth at least fifteen thousand dollars," Mama exclaimed, putting a hand on her heart as if to keep it from leaping out of her chest.

"Not anymore," I couldn't resist saying.

Mama glared at Flip. "You've destroyed someone's private property."

"No one'll find out," he said. "Come on, honey, hold the door open so I can bring it inside and butcher it."

"You're not about to bring that into my trailer, you crazy dumbass! Take it away. Take it away now\ You're going to get us both arrested for this."

Flip was plainly bewildered that his gift was so unappreciated. Seeing the storm about to come, I mumbled something about returning to the patio and retreated to a spot behind the corner of the trailer. In the minutes that followed it was likely most of Bluebonnet Ranch heard Mama screaming that she'd had it, there was no way she was going to put up with him another minute. Disappearing into the trailer, she rummaged around for a short time, then came back with an armload of denim and boots and men's underwear. She flung the lot of it onto the ground. "Take your stuff and get out of here now!"

"You call me crazy?" Flip shouted back. "You're out of your gourd, woman! Quit throwing my things like—Hey, stop that!" It began to rain T-shirts and hunting magazines and foam beer can holders, the effluvia of Flip's life of leisure. Swearing and huffing indignantly. Flip gathered the objects from the ground and hurled them into his truck.

In less than ten minutes Flip had driven away from the trailer, his wheels spinning, gravel flying behind him. All that remained was the hulk of a headless emu. deposited right in front of our door.

Mama was breathing heavily, her face crimson. "That useless jackass," she muttered. "Should have gotten rid of him a long time ago.. .an emu, for Christ's sake..."

"Mama," I asked, coming to stand beside her. "Is Flip gone for good?"

"Yes, " she said vehemently.

I stared at the mountainous carcass. "What are we going to do with it?"

"I have no idea." Mama scrubbed her hands through her pale, rumpled hair. "But we've got to dispose of the evidence. That bird was worth a lot to somebody...and I'm not paying for it."

"Somebody should eat it." I said.

Mama shook her head and groaned. "That thing is one step up from road kill."

I thought for a moment, and inspiration struck. "The Cateses," I said.

Mama's gaze met mine, and gradually the scowl on her face was replaced by reluctant humor. "You're right. Go get Hardy."

To hear the Cateses tell it later, there had never been such a feast. And it went on for days. Emu steaks, emu stew, emu sandwiches, and chili con emu. Hardy had taken the bird to Earl's Meat Market, where the butcher, after promising strict confidentiality, had a high time processing it into fans, fillets, and ground meat.

Miss Judie even sent over an emu casserole for Mama and me, made with Tater Tots and Hamburger Helper. I tried it and thought it was one of Miss Judie's better efforts. But Mama, who was watching me with a doubtful gaze, suddenly turned green and fled the kitchenette, and I heard her getting sick in the bathroom.

"I'm sorry, Mama," I said anxiously through the door. "I won't eat the casserole anymore if it makes you sick. I'll throw it out. I'll—"