Like the woman who had showed up today.

That thought had just entered my head when my gaze landed on a brand-new book sitting on the coffee table. Where the Wild Things Are. Something nudged at my gut as I took in the cover and the fact this dickface had brought it for Mo.

He unlocked the door and opened it before I could get out. “We’ll wait with you.”

Grabbing Mo’s jacket, I slipped it on her as I watched him dip his head and step out, closing the door once she was ready. He settled on the top step, all the way over so he was inches away from whacking his elbow on one of the pillars straddling the stairs as his fingers moved across the screen of his cell phone. I sat down as far as I could on the same step to the left, balancing my girl on my thigh, with her back supported by my upper arm and chest. I tugged the hoodie part of her jacket over her ears just as she began grabbing at my sweater, trying to stick it in her mouth.

Down the street, I could hear kids playing even though the temperature had started dropping a little to bring a chill. Blended into those noises were car doors opening and closing. They were all familiar, comforting sounds of being surrounded with the mostly historic homes on our street.

I glanced at Jonah when he set his cell phone on his thigh and aimed his upper body toward us, an open expression on his broadly boned face. His gaze flicked down to Mo, and a small, but tender smile replaced it.

I only had to think about it for a moment, still relishing her weight and her smell, but knowing damn well I would have it after he left. “Do you want to hold her while your ride comes?”

He sucked in a nervous breath and reached over with those massive hands, meeting my eyes briefly with that smile on his face, before plucking her gently off my lap and settling her down on one muscular thigh. “So small,” he murmured as he held her, both sets of fingers stretched out wide in case Mo decided to go for a nosedive.

“She’s pretty big for her age,” I found myself telling him, as I thought about how he’d assumed I wouldn’t want him on the porch. I was all for being an asshole… but only when it was necessary.

“Is she?” Jonah asked, attention downward. He dipped his face close to hers, eyes going big. “She must get that from you.”

Mo answered with “Ba” like yup.

I peeked at his shoulders alone.

He flashed me a quick grin before focusing back down on his daughter. Our daughter. “I was a skinny kid until sixteen.”

I made a disbelieving face at him that got me another grin.

“I’m not joking. Even my own mum had given up on me growing. In one year, I grew… sixteen, seventeen centimeters. The next year I grew another eight. Bit of a crap two years. My knees hurt the whole time.”

Holy shit. What was that? A foot in two years?

He changed the conversation around back to me. “You’ve always been tall?”

I curled my hands over my shins as I watched his index finger brush the bottom of a tiny foot. “I’m not tall, but yeah, I—”I had to try, I reminded myself. I was going to have this man in my life for a long time, and he was being awfully fucking decent so far. So… I could be decent back. It was less work than flipping him off every chance I had. “I was taller than most of the boys and almost all the girls for a long time. Now, I just kind of wish I was shorter.”

“Why?”

“It’s hard to find pants that fit,” I told him honestly. I was an inch too tall. It was a curse.

His chuckle made the dimple closest to me pop. “Yeh, I know what that’s like. It’s a bit of a pain in the ass, isn’t it? I’ve got, maybe, five pants that fit me well.”

I snorted and only slightly regretted it when he shifted those honey-colored eyes at me, giving me a glimpse of both his dimples as he smiled sweetly.

“Would you like to talk about your grandmother?” he asked out of nowhere.

That caught me off-guard, but luckily there was only one answer to give, and I didn’t hesitate to share it. “No.” I didn’t want to waste any more time thinking about her and her mysterious reappearance, much less talking about her, especially with Jonah. There were a few too many holes there I wouldn’t be able to jump over if I tried explaining the situation.

He’d heard enough to have an idea of just how absentee she’d been. Which was 100 percent.

There was that and… I just didn’t want to talk about her.

He nodded in understanding and smiled some more, his teeth very white against his tan face, a gentle reminder to me of how he’d been in France. Of why I had liked him so much. Of why I had looked for him and waited for him and been so disappointed when he hadn’t come.

That familiar question floated around in my head, and even though I knew I had no business asking it, knew I wasn’t going to like his answer or still might not believe it, the fucking question was there. Wanting to be asked.

I glanced down at my hands still covering my shins. What did I have to lose? Nothing, that was what. I’d made a commitment to get along with him, and I was going to stick to it until he went total dickhead on me and earned me being a bitch back.

So I just fucking asked, “Did you really not know I was pregnant?”

I watched him glance at me with alarm. Or maybe it was surprise. But it was something.

“I’m not going to kill you or anything if you did. Nothing will change between you and Mo. I just want to know,” I told him, knowing it was the truth. “You’re here now. Your relationship with her is what matters to me, but… I don’t want to wonder about it. I just want to know the truth.” I squeezed my shins and tried to give him a smile that felt pretty damn grimace-like. “I won’t get any madder than I’ve already been. Promise. I don’t think I could ever get that mad again, anyway.”

All right. Maybe I didn’t need to throw that last part in, but it was the fucking truth. I couldn’t get any more pissed off than I’d been back then.

He should be so fucking lucky he hadn’t seen me there at the end.

Jonah took a long and steady breath that made me feel better instantly. In my experience, the people who were the most passionate when accused were always the biggest lying sacks of shit. Another slow smile that wasn’t all happiness and joy crossed over his mouth. It was a bittersweet expression.

Actually, no, I realized after a second. There was no sweetness in it. It was pained.

“What’s that saying?” Jonah asked gently, taking hold of our girl’s foot in his big hand and swallowing it up with those long fingers. “I cross my… heart? Is that it? I cross my heart, Lenny.” He lifted his head and looked right into my eyes with that heartbreaking face. “I didn’t know. Not until I got here and you told me. I had no clue.”

I watched his face. I watched his face so damn carefully….

“I would have been here in a wheelchair if I had known,” he claimed, steadily, quietly. “On crutches. On my hands and knees, I would have been here.”

It was a lot harder than I would have assumed to process that thought. If I had known you were having my baby, I would have come. But if I hadn’t known, I still would have waited because you weren’t important enough. God, when the hell had I become this person?

This has nothing to do with you, I reminded myself, even if it was uncomfortable.

Even if it hurt. Just a little. Stung more than hurt, I’d say. And even that idea had me shifting on the step, from one butt cheek to the other. But I could focus on the positive part of what he was trying to say.

He would have been around for her, at least. And that was what mattered. What would always matter.

How he felt about me was the last thing I needed to keep carrying around so close to my heart. It needed to be somewhere around my damn colon for me to hate him passively, and that’s what I’d agreed with myself on. That I wouldn’t hold on to it. I wouldn’t.

“I got your first messages,” Jonah continued. “I told you. I saved them. Even the angry ones.”

The ugly feeling made my stomach churn. “Look, I just wanted to know if you were being honest about knowing or not. I don’t need to know what—”

The hand that wasn’t holding Mo’s foot reached out, cool fingertips touching the top of my hand over my shins. “No offense, love, but I don’t care whether you want to know or not. I know I said I wouldn’t bring it up, but I can’t do that. I don’t want you thinking for any longer than you already have that I left because of you.”

That fucking ugly feeling in my stomach churned again, crawling up my esophagus and wanting this conversation to be over with. “Jonah—”

The Asshole shook his head. “No, Lenny, you have to hear me out. Please.” His hand closed over the top of mine, and I didn’t move it. I wasn’t retreating. That wasn’t me. “It’s no excuse, I know, but I was in a crap state of mind then.” He winced. “I shut myself off from everyone. Everything, really. My family. My mates. My team. Physios. Everyone.”

His hand squeezed over mine, but I couldn’t move it.

“You.”