Licking my lips, I stare her down and say, “He broke up with you because he was intimidated by me.”

“You’re so full of yourself.” She rolls her eyes but keeps her hands where they are, her legs wrapping around my waist where her heels rest just above my ass.

Fuck, her warmth eats me whole as I try to think what to do next, how to get even closer, how to move this along without breaking the spell we have floating around us.

“I’m not. He cornered me one day in the halls, two days before he broke up with you.” I slide my hands to her back where my fingers play dangerously with the waistband of her shorts. I stroke just above the band, painfully inching lower with each stroke but never crossing over.

“What? Are you serious? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“We were already fighting because you didn’t like that I wasn’t getting along with him, and I didn’t think that would help the case.”

She looks to the side, realization falling over her features. “I remember that. Bradley was the cause of one of our first big fights. What did he say to you?”

“That he didn’t appreciate how close I was to you. He didn’t like that I would hug you, touch you. He thought I should back away, and I told them there was no way in fuck I was going to do that, and he could learn to deal with the fact that we are best friends. Apparently, he didn’t want to deal with it.”

“Oh my God, you totally made him break up with me.”

I shrug and move my fingers just under her waistband. “Not even fucking sorry about it.”

She gives me a sly smile and pulls me in closer with her legs. “Jamie had a similar conversation with me. Cornered me our senior year in your house, told me to leave you alone or else she was going to break up with you.”

I think back to my senior year, how Kinsley distanced herself, putting in a lot of work at the shelter rather than hang out with me as much.

“You listened to her?”

She nods. “Unlike you, you relationship ruiner, I stepped back, gave you guys your space.”

I shake my head and softly say, “You should have stood your ground.”

“I realize that now.” She rubs her thumb over my cheek. “Do you ever miss her?”

“No,” I answer, looking her dead in the eyes. “I realized quickly she wasn’t genuine with me and that’s not someone I want to be with.” Slowly I move my hands back up her waist so they connect with her ribs. “I want someone who can be real with me, someone I don’t have to hide myself with.” I glide my hands even higher, pulling her shirt with me as she loops her arms around my neck, growing so close that I can feel the air supply shrink between us. My need for her is so damn strong that I’m moments from claiming her mouth. A few inches separate us from crossing that final line, and I’m desperate to make the leap even though my body vibrates with nerves. Nerves that creep up the back of your neck, sending your heart into a frenzy of panic.

Looking between my eyes, she says, “I think you’ll find her one day. I just know it.”

Mother.

Fucker.

My heart plummets. Doesn’t she get it?

She’s the one I want, the girl that’s right for me.

I can be myself with her. She cares for me on a deeper level, she gets me, and she understands my mood swings. I don’t have to reiterate my past with her, because she lived it, and I don’t have to play the get-to-know-me game because I’m pretty sure she knows more about me than I know about myself.

Leaning forward, she places a chaste kiss on my cheek, and then detangles herself from me. She hops down from the counter and heads to the entryway, hooking Herman up to his leash.

“I’ll be back.”

“Wait,” I call out, trying to gain my strength to move forward when my hands are digging into the counter out of pure frustration. “I don’t want you going out there by yourself.”

“I’ll be fine. Be right back.”

Before I can stop her, she’s out of the apartment, giving me a goddamn moment to catch my breath. What an epic fail.

She doesn’t want me.

She. Doesn’t. Fucking. Want. Us.

Chapter Fourteen

KINSLEY

I wish my best friend wasn’t Maddox.

Because I need someone to talk to and Joan is the only person I know here, and she’s not the type of person I want to talk to about this.

I’m lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, waiting for Maddox to get home. Their game went into extra innings, which they lost in the eleventh, and he’s getting home incredibly late. I already walked Herman and tucked him in, and now I’m trying to decide if I need to pretend I’m sleeping or lie awake for him.

My mom, if she wasn’t so crazy about me moving back home, would be a great person to talk to, but if I told her about the weird feelings I’m having about Maddox, she’d most likely tell me it’s indigestion and if I went home, she’d help me take care of it.

So instead, I’m lying here, staring, my heart in my throat as I think about last night in the kitchen. His hands were all over me and it felt amazing. So damn good that I nearly wept from the feel of his rough palms scraping along my skin. I couldn’t help it. I needed to return the touch. I had to be closer, to take in his scent, his masculinity, the strength in his shoulders, the thickness of his neck, the roughness of his jaw. He’s all male, and I’m addicted to discovering all new grown-up aspects about him.

And when I had my body wrapped around him, my lungs barely taking in any air with how close he was to my mouth, how easy it would have been to kiss him, I knew I needed to back away. I was getting too close, crossing a line I’m not sure he wants to cross.

The thing with Maddox is he’s always been so physical with me. Even when he was dating Jamie, he held my hand, touched my leg, kept me close to him because we were each other’s person—we still are—so even though from the outside it might seem like he’s making a move, I know it’s Maddox being Maddox. He might be tough on the exterior, but inside, he’s an unselfish human being looking to be loved. I hand it over it to him in any way possible. With ease.

But now, I’m starting to feel things for him, heavy things, more than friendship things. Feelings you carry around in your heart, that imprint your brain, that ignite your soul.

I’m falling in love with the man and that’s fucking terrifying. So terrifying that I’ve been crying about it for the last half hour. I never saw this coming, not in a million years.

Yes, I love him, with all my heart, but it was the everlasting love that a friendship can only carry. I find him attractive of course, I would be a dumbass to not notice how good-looking Maddox is, but I’ve never acted on those feelings. But for some reason, since I moved in with him, seeing him in his personal space, it’s . . . hell, it’s changed me.

Not to mention what I’ve put him through. He still loves me, and allows me to change his life, to alter his routine with a smile, with a hug, with open arms.

He sees me for who I am, not for who he wants me to be. He doesn’t care that I’m insane and psychotic about the earth and animals; he embraces it.

He relents. When I wanted to do good—give a safe space to a dog—despite him not wanting animals in his apartment, he gave in. He reasons. How Maddox reacted to Joan and Melvin’s surprise visit, gutted me. I’m not normally so thoughtless, and I knew not respecting Maddox’s need for privacy was so, so wrong. He’s always been a private person. I definitely stepped over the line on that one, yet . . . he didn’t shut me out, or even worse, kick me out. His gentleness, how he quietly explained what he’d reacted to . . . well, I didn’t deserve that.

He’s patient.

He speaks softly.

God, I love him so much.

Cue the tears. They crest over my eyes in a flood of emotion just as the front door unlocks.

Oh fuck.

I quickly wipe them away and turn from his side. He sent me a text message a while ago to let me know he was on his way home. I didn’t respond, just in case I wanted it to look like I was sleeping and thankfully I didn’t, because I’m faking it.

I’m faking it so hard.

From the other room, I hear him talk softly to Herman. “Hey, old man. She asleep? Hope you took care of her while I was gone.” I squeeze my eyes shut, allowing more tears to fall. “Have a good night, Herman.”

Maddox’s feet fall down the hallway and I steel myself when he enters the room. The lights are out and the curtains are barely parted, letting in just a little light. I hear him stop for a few beats. Is he staring at me? Judging if I’m sleeping? I can feel his gaze on me. I’m that in tune with the man.

On a heavy breath, he enters the bathroom where I hear him run the water for his toothbrush. I quickly wipe away at my tears again and take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay. Deep breaths and you will be fine.

I take a few more breaths, attempting to rid myself of the shakiness in my limbs just before he turns the light off, and I hear him walk toward the bed.