I still.

I glance at the envelope and immediately feel a cold sweat break out on the nape of my neck. I know exactly what that is and want nothing to do with it.

I take the envelope from her and toss it on the coffee table, not caring to open it.

“Maddox, that’s clearly a wedding invitation.”

“Yeah, I know.” I try to bring her back down to my chest, but she stiff-arms me and leans to grab the envelope.

“Why aren’t you opening it? And why didn’t you tell me your brother was getting married?”

“We don’t talk. There’s nothing to say. I’m not involved in his life, he’s not involved in mine.”

“What do you mean?” Kinsley asks, sitting taller now, but still slouched over. I can tell she’s in pain, but she’s also trying to get to the bottom of something she shouldn’t. Stubborn girl. “You’re his brother, you should always be involved in each other’s lives.”

“Well, we’re not, okay?”

“Maddox—”

“Drop it, Kinsley,” I say with a stern tone. Her eyes widen in shock and I rub my palm over her leg. “Just drop it, okay?”

I watch as her eyes search mine, as her mind runs a mile a minute, weighing the pros and cons. Kinsley never just lets something go, especially when she feels like she needs to dig in and make it her personal project to make things better. I can see her going that way with this and I need to put an end to it before it even begins.

“I’m serious, Kinsley, let it go.”

Her hand plays with the collar of my shirt as she looks away. She bites down on the corner of her lip and she takes a deep breath before asking, “How long has this been going on?”

“Long enough to not try to repair it at this point.”

“If he’s sending you a wedding invitation, doesn’t that mean he’s trying to make amends?”

“Obligation probably,” I answer. “That or he doesn’t want to be alone on his wedding day, so he’s inviting the last piece of family he has.”

“Which is probably what he’s doing. I wouldn’t want to get married without family. You lost your parents, so he probably wants you by his side.”

“Kinsley.” I take a deep breath and force her to look me in the eyes. “Drop it. Do you understand? This is not something we are talking about, ever.”

“But—”

I set her to the side and stand abruptly. Rage starting to spike deep within me. Why can’t she just fucking listen to me?

I grab the envelope and make my way to the bedroom where I stuff the invite in my nightstand and then sit on the bed. Hands in my hair, I try to calm my racing heart. Christ. The last thing I want right now is to face the mess that is my relationship with my brother. Not after what he did to me. There’s no coming back from that. I’ve put him behind me, and the fact that he’s even reaching out now is a slap to the face, especially after I told him to never contact me again.

“Maddox, talk to me.” Kinsley is at the doorway, looking nervous but also not backing down. It’s never fucking easy with her when it comes to feelings. She always forces me to talk. It’s been like that since we’re kids, and I’ve always given in.

Not this time.

Head tilted, I keep my hand in my hair when I say, “You’re a fixer, you’re pushy, I get that, Kinsley, but this feud with my brother, it’s not yours to touch. It’s not yours to fix, and I need you to understand that.”

“I do, but I also—”

“You’re not getting it,” I shout and stand at the same time. “There is no discussion. There are no buts. I’m asking you to let this go. You should respect me enough to do that. I’ve handled everything you’ve thrown my way since you’ve moved in here—all the changes, all the interruptions in my day-to-day routine—so I’m asking you to let this go. You might think you know what’s best for me, and at times, you probably do, but this is not one of those times.”

She twists her hands together in front of her, looking meek and sorry all at the same time. Her slouched shoulders and defeated posture touches my wall of anger.

“Do you understand?” I ask, keeping firm with my voice.

She nods. “I understand.”

“You’re going to drop it?”

She glances up, her eyes watery. “If that’s what you want. Then, yes, I’ll drop it.”

“Thank you.” I hold out my hand, and she slowly walks over to me. When our hands connect, I pull her down on the bed with me and roll her to her back where I prop myself up so I can stare at her. I place my hand on her stomach and hold it firmly in place. “Thank you,” I repeat.

She nods, her eyes sad, and I know some of the emotions are due to her period. At least that’s what I’m hoping. “Will you tell me one day, when you’re ready?” she asks.

I smooth her hair behind her ear, unsure of how to say no. I don’t want to insult her. This has nothing to do with her, but more to do with not wanting to talk about the situation.

“Maddox,” she says, sniffing. “You tell me everything. Why don’t I know about this, and are you going to stop now that we’re a thing?”

I smooth my hand over her shoulder and talk softly, trying to eliminate the anger in my voice. “This isn’t about you and not wanting to share things with you. It’s about not wanting to share anything about my relationship with my brother, ever.”

She nods and looks away. She swipes at her eyes. “I understand.” She sniffs softly and says, “I should get ready for bed. Herman already went out.” She tries to slide underneath me but I stop her.

“Kinsley, don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad, Maddox,” she answers, but I don’t believe her. She escapes from my hold and walks to the bathroom where she starts to brush her teeth. She might not be mad, but her mood has shifted drastically, and not in my favor.

I come up behind her, grab my toothbrush and start brushing my teeth as well, the entire time, keeping my eyes on her in the mirror. Tears brim and fall over her already tear-stained cheeks and she quickly wipes at her eyes before spitting in the sink. Setting her toothbrush down, she goes to the toilet room where I hear her sniffle and go to the bathroom, and then she heads straight to bed where she tucks herself in on her side.

Yeah, not in my favor at all.

I rinse and go to the bathroom as well before turning off all the lights, making sure Herman is tucked away. I lock up and then I crawl under the covers, my nerves shot, my mood shifted from anger to almost panic.

I scoot in close to her and bring my palm to her stomach where I pull her in close to my body. She’s not stiff, she doesn’t resist, but she doesn’t melt into me like she usually does.

“Hey.” I kiss her neck, worry brewing in the pit of my stomach. “Do you still love me?”

She sighs and turns in my arms where she loops her hand around the back of my neck. “I’ll always love you, Maddox.”

I press my forehead against hers, feeling the weight of our disagreement hit me harder than expected. Navigating this new territory with Kinsley seems foreign, unfamiliar, despite the amount of years we’ve known each other. The only way I know how to act in this moment is honest. So that’s what I do. “It hurts too much,” I say. “To talk about it.”

“It’s fine, Maddox,” she replies softly.

“When someone says it’s fine, it’s not fine.”

She sighs and moves her thumb over my skin, the caress so simple, but comforting at the same time. “I’m not going to lie and say I feel great about you not telling me about your life, especially the things that hurt you the most, but I’m also not going to beat a dead horse. You don’t want to share, so that’s it.” She shrugs and fuck, her resignation hurts more than anger. “Maybe one day you will. Until then, I’ll just keep loving you.” She lifts up and presses her lips to mine before turning back in my arms and allowing me to pull her in closer.

And that’s the end of the conversation. But oddly, it doesn’t feel like the end.

As we lie there, I can’t help but think how I’m letting her down. She says she isn’t upset, but it still feels like she is. I hurt her. There’s no doubt in my mind about that, but honestly at this point, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. For so many years I’ve kept this from her, and I can’t see any value in dredging up the horrible truth.

Lincoln: Don’t judge me, but I ordered a vibrator last night. Thanks to Prime, I’ll have it in two days.

I snort and shake my head before taking a sip of coffee and then texting my idiot friend back.

Maddox: Hope you got a lot of lube.

Lincoln: Already stocked up on it. I want to hit the man G-spot. I want to come without even touching my dick.

Maddox: Too early, man. Too fucking early.

Lincoln: It’s all I can think about. Think Kinsley would want to try it on me?

Maddox: You can fuck off with that comment.

Lincoln: So you’re really serious then? No chance at getting a shot with the prostate milker?

Maddox: Do not fucking call her that.

Lincoln: But dude . . . she totally milked your prostate.