“How do you mean?” I ask, imagining the pain from both sides. What Micah did was wrong, but I can see the progression, how he got there. I don't think he ever meant to hurt his twin.

“Tobias went on a fucking bender. He was drinking and smoking; he totaled three cars.”

My brows shoot up, and my lips part in shock. I can't imagine Tobias McCarthy doing any of those things. I mean, he smokes a little pot, drinks socially, but … not like that. “Our parents didn't like what was happening between us, so they shipped us off to Adamson. Our dad went there as a kid, so it made sense.”

Micah sighs again and the smile slips from his face.

“What happened to Amber?” I’m almost afraid to ask, but at this point, I have to know how the story ends.

“School shooting,” he whispers, closing his eyes for a moment. Fuck. I don’t need to ask any other questions about that. Growing up, we’ve all gotten used to fearing for our lives when we go to school. It’s a sad, sick part of life as a member of Gen Z. “Her mother moved to Santa Clarita just after we left for Connecticut, and Amber only ended up doing half a semester there before it happened.” Micah’s eyes water, and I remember how he wept when he thought first Tobias, then Ranger, and then Spencer were dead. He really does have big feelings. “I think in some small way, Tobias blames me for her death. Like, if I hadn’t slept with her, and we hadn’t left for Adamson, maybe she wouldn’t have moved with her mom after rehab.”

“You can’t know that,” I whisper, feeling my own eyes water. “But it’s understandable to wonder what-if. You just can't let it destroy you. We make choices every day that don’t seem important. Usually, they’re not. But every once in a while, something big happens. It’s impossible to predict; you’ll drive yourself crazy if you try.”

The corner of Micah’s lip twitches, but there’s too much sadness weighing down his expression for him to smile.

“When did you get so wise and shit, Chuck the Micropenis?”

“When did you get so melancholy?” I retort, stepping forward and putting my arms around him again. He stiffens up slightly, but after a moment, his hand falls to my back and he relaxes a little. I’m pretty sure he expected me to judge him, to hate him, to blame him. But I don’t feel any of those things. The only thing I feel is empathy for him, and sadness for Amber. The little spark of jealousy is gone.

“We hide it well, huh?” Micah asks as I breathe in his cherry and vetiver scent. I like how he says we, even though I’m only talking to him. “Are you sure you don’t want to dump my ass and just date Tobias? I’d understand if you did.”

I snort and bury my face in his robe.

“You’re being stupid right now,” I murmur, watching the cherry blossom petals skirt around in the breeze. Lifting my head, I glance up at him and find his green eyes on mine. “You guys share girls now, remember?” This time, it’s his turn to snort back at me. “Well, not girls. Girl. Singular. One. Just me, Chuck the Micropenis.” Micah finally smiles as I take a step back. There doesn’t seem to be anyone around, but if they overhear me refer to myself as a girl then so what. Screw them. This secret is getting old anyway.

“Do you know why we decided to share girls?” he asks. “Because we didn’t want anyone or anything to come between us ever again. And yet, here we are. Me, fucking up and ruining everything yet again.” Micah pauses and lifts his gaze up to look over my shoulder. When I glance back, I see Tobias standing there, watching us with narrowed eyes.

“What did he tell you?” he demands, coming over to stand on my other side, arms crossed over his chest. His eyes are dark with old anger, turning them hunter green in the sunlight. I don’t think it was truly the fact that Micah brought candles to woo me that pissed him off; it was their past coming back to haunt them both.

“That he fucked up, he loves you, and he’s sorry,” I say, and Micah groans from behind me.

“Not verbatim,” he mumbles, but I can already see Tobias softening slightly toward his twin. The way he looks at me, I can tell he’s searching for the same thing that Micah was. But whatever anger or hate or pain he thought he might see, there’s none of that. If I can forgive Monica for what she did, then I can certainly accept Micah, despite his prior mistakes.

“He admitted that he messed up, and he said if I wanted to date just you, he’d understand.” I test the waters to see Tobias’ reaction, and he frowns.

“No.” Just that one word as he lifts his face up to glare at his brother. “That is not an option. You’re not getting out of this so easily. Apologize and admit you screwed up, and maybe I can apologize, too, and admit that I overreacted.”

I flick my gaze between the two of them and then carefully and quietly try to back away to give them some space. Instead, they both flash matching grins at me.

“Oh, no you don’t, Chuck Carson,” they say, grabbing me by the arms and dragging me forward. I end up with a kiss on both cheeks and matching feral grins. “You’re not getting away that easily.”

They drag me by the arms over to a utility closet on the far side of the courtyard, toss me inside, and then close the door. I get a mad sense of déjà vu from that day in the Jaw Flapper when they first discovered my secret. The pair of them standing over me, resting their forearms on the wall behind my head.

“Are you guys okay?” I ask skeptically, and Tobias pauses, glancing over at his brother. There's a bit of tension between them, but it fizzles out pretty quick.

“Losing Amber was awful. Thinking Spencer was dead just about killed me. Life is too short, too weird, and too shitty to stay pissed at my brother for wanting to woo our girlfriend.” Tobias puts his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. It's too cute a move and statement for me to resist biting my lower lip in a flirtatious sort of way. “Where are those candles, by the way?” There's a bit of a teasing note in Tobias' voice when he says that, making me think he already knows. He cracks his green eyes and grins, a glitter of mischief in his gaze.

“Funny you should ask,” Micah begins, taking his arm off the wall and pulling the lighter from his pocket. He flicks the wheel and proceeds to move around the room, lighting a dozen red candles placed in various locales: on top of an old wheelbarrow, on a rusty metal shelf, on the head of a weird concrete statue that looks a bit like a gremlin. “What a coincidence, don't you think, Chuck?”

“I think there's a murderer on campus,” I grumble, but the set-up is cute anyway.

“Exactly,” Tobias says, pushing up off the wall and standing in front of me in a black and red yukata. “Like I said, life is short.” He moves over to a futon on the floor in the corner and flops down on it, grabbing a bottle of saké, and a plate of rice balls that are perched on a small red table next to it. “So let's not waste any of it, shall we?”

With a grin, I bounce over and join the twins, grabbing a rice ball in two hands and biting into it. It's wrapped in seaweed and stuffed with salted plums. Yeah, I was skeptical, too, when I first heard about it, but I have to admit: this shit is next level.

“My dad caught me and Micah coming out of the bathroom this morning,” I say with a small grimace, swigging some of the saké with my right hand. Meanwhile, Micah is downing some plum wine and snacking on edamame that they must've stolen from the dining room. “Pretty sure he thinks we were …” I trail off and make that cringe-y face that Monica always teases me about, the one she bought me an emoji umbrella for.