“Find somewhere to sit and I’ll get the beers,” Chris said, and pushed her way toward the bar.

I felt embarrassed that she had already paid for the taxi as well as the beer, but I couldn’t afford to repay the favor. My student grant was barely enough to cover food and rent, with nothing to spare, and I was desperately trying to find part-time work.

I found a table toward the back of the room. “Don’t Look Back in Anger” by Oasis was blaring from a speaker that was too close for comfort.

The door to the street was open. The outdoor bar had stopped serving and a few customers were standing out there, apparently hesitating over whether to come inside or not. I checked my phone. No message from Viktor.

Chris put two glasses of foaming beer on the table, dripping with condensation. My head was throbbing with the beginnings of a hangover from all the alcohol I’d drunk that day, but the beer soon remedied that. Chris drew something in the condensation on my glass with her finger. I turned the glass to see what it was. A heart.

“Why did you do that?”

“Good luck,” Chris said with a shrug.

I wiped it off. Luck hadn’t played much of a role in my previous life.

I raised the glass and gulped down most of the cold beer. Drank myself into forgetfulness. Matilda was gone. Now I was Faye, no one else. Maybe she’d have more luck? I drew another heart on my glass.

Chris was busy ranting about how childish the guys at the initiation had been when two people walked through the door.

“Are you listening?” Chris said, poking me in the arm.

I nodded distractedly. The heart on my glass was still there, just about. Chris rolled her eyes and turned to see what had caught my attention.

“Oh!” she muttered.

“What?”

“You don’t know who that is?” Chris said, gesturing toward the door with her thumb.

“No—should I?”

I was longing for another beer, but would have to wait until it was offered.

“Jack Adelheim,” Chris whispered.

The name meant nothing to me. With my finger I wiped away the heart I had drawn.

The doorbell rang at half past six. It was Johanna, the babysitter Julienne liked best. While Jack was working Faye had put on her best La Perla underwear, changed into the black Dolce & Gabbana dress he loved, and had made herself up carefully.

“You look wonderful,” Johanna said as she bent down to take her shoes off.

“Thanks!” Faye said, and did a twirl, which made Julienne giggle happily from the sofa in the living room.

“Date nights are fun,” Johanna said. “Where are you going?”

“Teatergrillen.”

Faye had booked a table the night before. She loved hearing the change of tone of the ma?tre d” and other staff when she gave her name and said that she and her husband, Jack Adelheim, were planning to pay a visit.

Julienne was watching Lotta on Troublemaker Street. Faye sat down beside her, gave her a hug, and explained that Johanna would be putting her to bed and that they’d probably be late home.

Johanna sat down on the other side of Julienne, put her arm around her, and asked how her day had been and what she’d been doing. Julienne leaned back against Johanna and cheerfully started to tell her.

Faye smiled gratefully at Johanna. She and Jack needed this evening.

Faye was looking forward to Jack seeing her outfit, hoping his face would light up the way it had done when they were first together. She went into her walk-in closet and put on her Yves Saint Laurent heels, then walked to the drinks trolley and poured a whiskey. With the glass in her hand she knocked on the door of the study. She breathed in the smell before she opened the door. She liked the smell of whiskey far more than the taste, which was pretty disgusting.

Jack was sitting at his desk, immersed in his computer. The tower room was as quiet and calm as always. The darkness outside the windows looked almost solid.

“What?” he muttered without looking up.

His hair was tousled. As usual, he had been running his hands through it as he worked. Faye put the whiskey down in front of him. Nudged it toward him with two fingers. He looked up in surprise. Bloodshot, tired eyes.

“What is it?”

She backed away and spun around. For the first time in a long time she felt properly attractive.

“I’ve put on the dress you like. The one you bought me in Milan.”

“Faye—”

“Hang on, I haven’t showed you the best bit yet,” she said, pulling her dress up to show him her black lace underwear.

It had cost over two thousand kronor, and had an incredibly delicate fringe of French lace around the black silk. Medium size. With a bit of hard work she’d soon be able to buy a pair of small ones. Maybe extra small.

“You look lovely.”

Jack didn’t even look up.

“I’ve picked out a suit for you. Drink your whiskey, then you can get changed. Drinks at the Grand first, then we’ve got a table at Teatergrillen. The taxi will be here in half an hour. It would have been nice to walk, but that would be a bit tricky in these shoes . . .”

She showed him her black high heels.

A shadow passed across Jack’s face. Faye saw her reflection in the tower room’s window. A pathetic figure bound up in black Dolce, high heels, and even higher expectations. He had forgotten this was the night they were going out. Drinking, talking, laughing. To remind him how much he loved spending time with her. Remind him of the nights they had spent in Barcelona, Paris, Madrid, and Rome. During those first months in Stockholm they hadn’t been able to keep their hands off each other.

She bit her lip to stop herself bursting into tears. The walls started to close in on her, suffocating her. The darkness beyond the glass was a black hole, sucking the life out of her. The look on Jack’s face was growing more and more concerned. She hated it when he felt sorry for her. In his eyes she must look like some panting dog, desperate for affection.

“I’d forgotten all about it. There’s so much going on at the moment. You wouldn’t believe what Henrik . . .”

She forced herself to smile. Not be a nuisance, not be demanding. To be pleasant, amenable. Not get in the way. But she could see how stiff her smile was in the reflection of the window. A contorted mask.

“I understand, darling. You carry on working. We can do it some other time. It’s really not a problem. We’ve got our whole lives ahead of us.”

Jack’s face twitched. Tiny spasms, a tic he always got when he was stressed.

“Sorry, I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

“I know. Don’t worry.”

Faye swallowed and turned away before he could see her eyes shimmering. She closed the door to the tower room carefully behind her.

—

On the sofa Julienne was trying to plait Johanna’s red hair.

“You’re very good at this,” Johanna murmured.

Faye usually enjoyed chatting with her. But right now she just wanted Johanna gone. She wasn’t far from tears, the lump in her throat was growing.

“Mommy taught me,” Julienne said.

“That’s lovely. What book shall we read tonight?”

“Maddy, I think. Or Pippi.”

After her conversation with Jack the previous week, Faye had bought a copy of every Astrid Lindgren book she could find in Akademibokhandeln.

Faye cleared her throat. Johanna’s freckled face peered up above the side of the sofa.

“Are you about to go?” she asked.

“No. Change of plan. We’re doing it another time. Work crisis.”

Faye tried to laugh, but the darkness inside her was threatening to well up, it kept rising and falling.

Johanna tilted her head.

“That’s a shame. When you look so lovely. Would you like me to put Julienne to bed anyway?”

“No, it’s fine.”

Faye swallowed the lump in her throat as Julienne clung to Johanna’s arm. She pulled two five-hundred-kronor notes from her handbag and handed them over. Johanna held her free hand up to stop her.

“There’s no need, honestly, I’ve only been here fifteen minutes or so.”

“You’ve still given up your evening. Take it, and I’ll get you a taxi.”

Julienne was sniffing and tugging at Johanna’s arm.

“I don’t want Johanna to go! I want her to stay!”

Johanna bent down and stroked her on the cheek.

“I’ll see you the day after tomorrow when I pick you up from preschool. Then I’ll read to you when we’re on the way home in the taxi.”

“Promise!”

“I promise. See you soon, sweetie.”

When Faye had shut the door after Johanna she took her heels off, tossing them on the hall floor, and carried Julienne into the bathroom and told her to brush her teeth.

“Spit it all out, then we’ll go and read Maddy.”

“I want Johanna to read to me! She makes it more fun!”

“Johanna isn’t here now. You’ll have to make do with me.”

Faye carried Julienne to her room. She squirmed and wriggled, hard feet hitting Faye’s arms. Faye’s stomach was aching and the lump in her throat was threatening to suffocate her.

She put Julienne down on the floor and shook her. Hard. Too hard.

“That’s enough!”