JB: What did she think of Abe?

Me: She didn’t. She was too busy hating on you. Sorry, this isn’t going to work. I assumed you realized that when I was dragging her out of the restaurant.

Me: Or are you one of those guys who likes psychopaths? Do you love being in dramatic relationships? Are you a glutton for punishment?

JB: No, no, and no.

Me: Then WHY ARE YOU MESSAGNING ME

JB: Wait—did you just call yourself a psychopath?

Me: No. But I could be.

JB: You’re too nice to be nuts.

Me: The last guy who called me nuts disappeared. They haven’t heard from him since.

JB: See? We can get along…

Me: …but not in person, apparently. We’re destined to be pen pals, sorry dude.

JB: Ouch—you called me dude. That’s friend zone shit right there.

Me: Even that’s a stretch.

JB: So, while we’re on the subject, what did YOU think of Abe?

Me: Your roommate? I wasn’t thinking of him at all. Should I have been?

JB: No. Just wondering what you thought.

Me: Why. Did he say something?

Me: About me, specifically?

JB: Yeah, we talked about it.

Me: Oh?

Me: Be honest—he thinks we’re a terrible match.

JB: It did come up, LOL

Me: Awesome…

Me: What else did he say?

JB: For someone who’s not interested in my roommate, you sure seem interested in what he had to say about you.

Me: So you admit he said some things about me…

JB: A few things.

Me: Like?

JB: The usual.

Me: I swear to God, if you’re going to continue dangling bait and then not telling me anything, I’m hanging up.

JB: **eye roll**

Me: You know what I mean…

JB: How about we do this: you give me a detail about yourself, and I’ll tell you one thing Abe said about you.

Me: Oddly, that sounds like extortion.

JB: #Semantics. Take it or leave it.

Me: OR we do this: for every detail you tell me about Abe, you also give me one thing he said about me after the double date from hell.

JB: You’re calling it the double date from hell, too??!!!

Me: Haha, very funny…

JB: Why are you suddenly curious about Abe?

Me: You’re the one who brought him up.

JB: **shrugs** Suit yourself…

Me: Just riddle me this: it’s obvious I’m not your type, so why do you care to hear details? I’m not the kind of girl you’re going to date, and I wouldn’t go out with you again if I was being paid…

Me: …okay MAYBE if I was being paid. But it would have to be a lot of money.

JB: Since when is it a bad thing to want to know information about someone?

Me: It’s not in most cases except this one, LOL. I don’t like you. Like—at all.

JB: Did you like Abe?

Me: What would make you ask that?

JB: I’m curious.

Me: I’ll admit I thought he was really nice.

JB: Nice?

Me: Yes, NICE. That’s a great quality, last time I checked. You should try it sometime.

JB: Ouch.

Me: Truth serum. Sorry.

JB: So you thought he was nice. Anything else?

Me: You’re being weird. I mean, I thought you were weird already, but now I’m questioning your sanity. Are you trying to hook me up with your roommate? I thought that went against bro code JB: I’m not trying to set you up with him.

JB: Unless you WANT to be set up with him?

Me: I mean… **shrugs**

JB: What does THAT mean?

Me: It means **shrugs**

JB: Is that a yes or a no?

Me: What are you going to do with my answer?

JB: What do you mean?

Me: Are you going to run to Abe and tell him I want him to take me out??

JB: Not unless you want me to.

Me: Why? You don’t even like me.

JB: No, I don’t. But Abe does, and I’m not a total asshole.

Me: Abe likes me?

JB: You’re not the worst.

Me: LOL gee thanks.

JB: So….?

Me: This whole situation is so weird, but okay. Yes. If Abe wants to go out, give him my number…

Abe

I have her number.

We’re going out.

“Bro. Let me see some of these chicks you’ve been dating.”

I watch as JB taps open the LoveU app and holds his phone out to Cliff Phillips, a sophomore on the team.

“Oh, I know her—she’s in my business communication class. She doesn’t talk much.”

“I don’t need her to talk much.” JB laughs as if he has some dirty secret about Skylar.

“She seems too nice for you.”

“She’s boring as fuck.”

He doesn’t mention any of the shit that went down this weekend on the double date from hell. The fact that he was late on his first date with Skylar. Got into a fight with her roommate. Drank straight liquor, before and after the girls walked out on us. Went home afterward, drunk dialed his ex-girlfriend until she blocked him, then passed out on the couch.

JB presses down on Skylar’s profile picture with the intention to swipe and delete, the telltale red line illuminating the screen visible from my spot on the weight bench.