Chapter twenty-six

THE TRUTH HUNG in the air between them, and for a moment Josh knew both glory and triumph. Admitting the depth of his attraction to Clara, challenging her misconceptions about herself, made him feel like the tight band that had been wrapped across his chest for the past few weeks had finally been snipped.

But then that moment ended and he had to live in the aftermath of his words. As he took in Clara’s enormous eyes, he realized he might have made a mistake. With a handful of clumsy, impulsive sentences, he’d unleashed a new reality. Had done the exact thing he’d sworn not to do. All of the stolen glances and lingering touches he and Clara had diligently skirted addressing rearranged themselves inside an alternative narrative: one where she knew he wanted her beyond physical desire.

Naomi would have him for breakfast when she found out about this. Impassioned speeches definitely counted as “funny business.”

To his credit, he’d tried to avoid Clara, actively worked to create distance while he craved closeness. Hell, he’d even considered trying to sleep with someone else. To take the edge off. Unfortunately, the idea of other women made his balls threaten to curl up inside his body.

Maybe everything wasn’t ruined. He’d merely defended her against slander. Friends did that for other friends all the time. Of course, most friends probably could have accomplished the task without multiple references to their genitals.

So he’d gotten a bit carried away. The idea that Clara wasn’t desirable, wasn’t inherently lovable, made him irrationally furious. Josh didn’t claim extraordinary intelligence, but Everett Bloom was a first-degree fool.

Even in the oversized T-shirt and ratty boxer shorts she currently had on, Clara took his breath away. These days, the only part of her body that didn’t make him hard was her chin.

Clara moved her mouth a few times, shaping different letters that didn’t make it past her lips.

“What are you thinking?” His confession left him cracked open and bleeding at her feet.

“You’re saying you want me?” The words trembled in the night air.

Shit. He’d hoped beyond hope they might avoid direct confirmation. The site was set to launch in less than a week. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Naomi had a point about his track record. But what could he do? Lie? Tell Clara no? That when he said he got off most nights thinking about her he’d meant it metaphorically?

“I definitely want you. But to be clear, I’m not asking for anything here. I know you don’t think about me like that.” Clara might find him sexy, but she’d never consider actually dating him. At least she hadn’t asked him if he was in love with her. He’d never been any good at lying.

Clara gaped at him from her chair. “Uh . . . are you kidding?”

“I’m not kidding.” He bent down and blew out the candle so he wouldn’t have to meet her eyes. “But I’ve got zero interest in being your consolation prize. If you wanna wait for Everett to come back, we can forget this conversation happened, okay?” As elation faded, his insides turned black.

“So this is what it feels like,” Clara said, so quiet he almost didn’t catch it. “It’s like someone shook a soda can and opened it inside my chest.”

Josh winced. “Any chance that’s pleasant?” It sounded painful, but something in her eyes made him hope.

She massaged below her clavicle, giving him a weak smile. “It’s amazing.”

He knelt down in front of her, slowly bringing his hands up to cradle her face. “How amazing, exactly? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Clara rubbed her cheek against his palm. “Let’s just say when I imagine the most incredible moment of my life, I’m usually wearing a better outfit.”

Josh ran his thumb across her jawline, mapping the topography of her face. As he drew their mouths closer together he watched her eyelashes flutter closed. “If you’d like, I’m prepared to help you out of these pajamas.”

He captured her startled laugh with his lips, sighing as the first taste of her fell across his tongue. The scent of her floral shampoo, so familiarly tantalizing, surrounded him, bringing back lust-loaded memories of her—wet, naked, and wanting. Impossibly, holding Clara was better than he’d imagined. His whole body came to life under the press of her luscious kiss. At the risk of scaring her with the intensity of his craving for more, he tried to school himself into gentleness. He demanded that his body go slow. Tonight, Josh wanted to show her he was capable of more than she thought.

Clara’s fingers threaded through his long curls and he shivered as she ran her nails against his scalp. Kisses were the hardest thing to fake on set. Josh had spent hours practicing how to tilt his head and move his mouth so that it looked like he cared. There was nothing performative about the urgency that powered this moment. The intensity of his desire mingled with joy walloped him over the head. Josh caught her bottom lip between his teeth, nipping the tender skin until she gasped.

Naomi was right. He was insane to gamble so much. Too bad he didn’t care anymore. Drugged on Clara’s softness, on the sweet sting of her bite as she delivered payback, Josh surrendered. How could anything that felt this good be bad? He pulled Clara to her feet. He wanted access to more of her. All of her.

As their mouths grew more frantic, kissing Clara no longer felt like a choice at all. Touching her, wanting her, felt as crucial as oxygen.

She ran her fingertips below the waistband of his jeans, making his stomach muscles clench. Why was he surprised she wanted the grand finale to this thing that had built up between them?

Josh caught her wrists in his hands. “Slow down. I’m trying to savor you.” You only got one chance with a girl like this, and he didn’t intend to waste it on instant gratification.

Clara let out a tiny whimper, and the sound shot straight to his dick. Relenting, he slipped one of his legs between hers. She seized the opportunity to rock against his thigh. If his cock had been halfway hard before, it could hammer nails now. When she lowered her mouth to his neck and applied pressure, he rolled his hips helplessly. With her body, Clara urged him toward the back door.

“You know, those cardigans of yours are deceptive. I’m not sure you’re a nice girl after all.” He ran featherlight kisses down her jaw and across her collarbone as his back smacked into the side of the house. “I can’t believe this is actually happening.”

Josh trailed his knuckles against the hot stripe of abdomen above Clara’s shorts. His legendary control threatened to dissolve. He meant to kiss her so long and so well that her legs buckled, but already he was the one leaning against the wall for support. Clara hooked her leg up and around his waist, pressing herself against him shamelessly until he swore.

If only he knew whether she wanted Josh Darling or Josh Conners. The panic racing from his head to his body, making him shake, didn’t come from stage fright. Something worse, something bigger made him lock his knees.

Over the last two years, he’d drained sex of any emotional component. Not only in his performances, but with Naomi as well. She didn’t allow feelings to mix with her fellatio.

As he ran his fingers through Clara’s hair, Josh wasn’t just savoring. He was stalling. Fear had coupled with the desire singing in his veins.

He could fuck with the best of them, but this wasn’t about fucking. Taking his clothes off tonight would test his ability to open not just his pants but his heart for Clara.

He brushed his hands gently up her sides to rest on her shoulders, ignoring her breasts so obviously that she let out a frustrated groan and pounded her fists against his chest in protest.

“I’m savored, I promise,” she told him tartly, reaching for his zipper.

“Jesus.” He hissed as he felt her hot little hands through his jeans. “You’re perfect. Did you know that?”

He molded his hands to her breasts, giving them each exactly what they wanted. Josh sucked in a deep, ragged breath. “Fuck.”

Clara arched into his touch. “Josh?”

He maintained his position but made eye contact with her. The white noise from the street thundered in his ears.

“We’re about to have sex, aren’t we?” She chewed her bottom lip.

He laughed, bringing his forehead to rest against hers. “Yes, Wheaton.” He pressed a tiny kiss between her brows. “We’re about to have sex.” The idea of not living up to her expectations terrified him, but as he took in her flushed cheeks and her lush mouth, he knew he had no choice. He’d give Clara everything he had, even if it killed him.

Chapter twenty-seven

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE leaving the lights on?” Josh lingered by the doorway with his hair mussed from her fingers and his lips swollen from her mouth.

Clara’s heart rattled against her rib cage. “Yes.” In for a penny, in for a pound. She might have done a lot of crazy things in the last few months, but this one definitely took the cake.

Josh rewarded her answer with eyes that promised to watch as she came apart underneath him.

But still, Clara froze. She knew herself, knew that she’d never managed to separate sex from love before. And with Josh, the stakes were so much higher. She already liked him as a person, respected him as a professional, hell, she even knew they could successfully cohabit. Falling for him would be laughably easy, so sleeping with him should have presented an impossible risk. Except for one truth. Loving Josh went against every expectation she’d ever known. Every dream her family had ever set for her. Every future she’d ever imagined.