I saw myself when very young, sitting under the branches of the willow tree in our garden in Cambridge. I’d spend hours hiding there. I may not have been a happy child, but during the time I spent under the willow tree, I felt a similar contentment to lying here with Gabriel. And now it was as if the past and the present were coexisting simultaneously in one perfect moment. I wanted that moment to last forever. Gabriel fell asleep, and I sketched him, trying to capture the dappled sunlight on his face. I did a better job with his eyes this time. It was easier because they were closed—but at least I got their shape right. He looked like a little boy, curled up asleep and breathing gently, crumbs around his mouth.

We finished the picnic, went home, and had sex. And Gabriel held me in his arms and said something astonishing:

“Alicia, darling, listen. There’s something on my mind I want to talk to you about.”

The way he said it made me instantly nervous. I braced myself, fearing the worst. “Go on.”

“I want us to have a baby.”

It took me a moment to speak. I was so taken aback I didn’t know what to say.

“But—you didn’t want any children. You said—”

“Forget that. I changed my mind. I want us to have a child together. Well? What do you say?”

Gabriel looked at me hopefully, expectantly, waiting for my response. I felt my eyes welling up with tears. “Yes,” I said, “yes, yes, yes…”

We hugged each other and cried and laughed.

He’s in bed now, asleep. I had to sneak away and write all this down—I want to remember this day for the rest of my life. Every single second of it.

I feel joyous. I feel full of hope.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

I KEPT THINKING ABOUT what Max Berenson had said—about Alicia’s suicide attempt, following her father’s death. There was no mention of it in her file, and I wondered why.

I rang Max the next day, catching him just as he was leaving the office.

“I just want to ask you a couple more questions if you don’t mind.”

“I’m literally walking out of the door.”

“This won’t take long.”

Max sighed and lowered the phone to say something unintelligible to Tanya.

“Five minutes,” he said. “That’s all you get.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it. You mentioned Alicia’s suicide attempt. I was wondering, which hospital treated her?”

“She wasn’t admitted to hospital.”

“She wasn’t?”

“No. She recovered at home. My brother looked after her.”

“But—surely she saw a doctor? It was an overdose, you said?”

“Yes. And of course Gabriel got a doctor over. And he … the doctor—agreed to keep it quiet.”

“Who was the doctor? Do you remember his name?”

There was a pause as Max thought for a moment. “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you.… I can’t recall.”

“Was it their GP?”

“No, I’m sure it wasn’t. My brother and I shared a GP. I remember Gabriel made a point of asking me not to mention it to him.”

“And you’re sure you can’t remember a name?”

“I’m sorry. Is that all? I have to go.”

“Just one more thing … I was curious about the terms of Gabriel’s will.”

A slight intake of breath, and Max’s tone instantly sharpened. “His will? I really don’t see the relevance—”

“Was Alicia the main beneficiary?”

“I must say, I find that rather an odd question.”

“Well, I’m trying to understand—”

“Understand what?” Max went on without waiting for a reply, sounding annoyed. “I was the main beneficiary. Alicia had inherited a great deal of money from her father, so Gabriel felt she was well provided for. And so he left the bulk of his estate to me. Of course, he had no idea his estate would become so valuable after his death. Is that it?”

“And what about Alicia’s will? When she dies, who inherits?”

“That,” Max said firmly, “is more than I can tell you. And I sincerely hope this will be our last conversation.”

There was a click as he hung up. But something in his tone told me this wouldn’t be the last I’d hear from Max Berenson.

I didn’t have to wait long.

*

Diomedes called me into his office after lunch. He looked up when I walked in but didn’t smile. “What is the matter with you?”

“With me?”

“Don’t play the idiot. You know who I had a call from this morning? Max Berenson. He says you contacted him twice and asked a lot of personal questions.”

“I asked him for some information about Alicia. He seemed fine with it.”

“Well, he’s not fine now. He’s calling it harassment.”

“Oh, come on—”

“The last thing we need is a lawyer making a fuss. Everything you do must be within the confines of the unit, and under my supervision. Understood?”

I was angry, but I nodded. I stared at the floor like a sullen teenager.

Diomedes responded appropriately, giving me a paternal pat on the shoulder. “Theo. Let me give you some advice. You’re going about this the wrong way. You’re asking questions, searching for clues, like it’s a detective story.” He laughed and shook his head. “You won’t get to it like that.”