When I’d thought about coming here, I thought it would be difficult to look at Braden, but in the moment, it was just the opposite. Maybe it was that he was beaten and bruised, but staring at him made me feel stronger, not like the cowering weakling I’d thought it would. My heart still ricocheted inside my chest, my skin was clammy, and my posture was most definitely rigid, but I thought there might be some exhilaration mixed in with my terror.

I tilted my head. “Do you think about what you did to me?”

He flinched, but tried to hide it. “Nice try. Are you wearing a wire or attempting to record me on your phone?”

I held eye contact as I lifted my purse, dug out my phone, and placed it on the desk. I swiped it on and turned the cell to face him as I pressed the button to power it down. He said nothing, but still didn’t look convinced. So I stood and held out my arms.

After a minute-long stare-off he motioned to my seat. “What do you want, Autumn?”

“I want answers.”

He looked back and forth between my eyes. “To what?”

“You’ve moved on. I want to know how.”

He flashed a maniacal smile. “Did you think I’d stay celibate after we broke up?”

I shook my head. “No, but I want to know how you sleep at night knowing you raped me.”

His eyes jumped to the door behind me. “Lower your voice.”

“Or what?” I smiled sardonically. “Oh…of course. No one here knows what you were accused of—what you did. If they knew, they’d look at you a little differently. Most of them would say they didn’t believe it. But in the back of their minds...there would always be just…” I held my thumb and forefinger up, displaying a quarter inch of space. “That much—that much doubt that you might’ve done it. Even the people who like you would never feel the same way about you. I bet a few of the ladies would make sure they were never the last ones alone in the office with you at night, too.”

Braden’s jaw flexed. “Cut to the chase, Autumn. I’m not an idiot, so I’m not answering any of your questions. If that’s all you came to do…” He motioned a circle with his hand. “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.”

“I didn’t expect you would answer my questions, and honestly, I’m not sure there’s anything you could say that has any value to me. But you are going to listen to what I have to say.” I took a deep breath.

“For a year after you raped me, I used to watch old videos of us together. I spent countless hours studying them—watching the way you looked at me, watching your eyes to see what I’d missed. I mean, the devil doesn’t just come out of someone one day. He seeps into your soul and little by little sucks the good out of you. It’s like a cancer left untreated. It festers and grows and takes all the good from your body until you’re a rundown shell of who you once were. So I didn’t understand how I hadn’t seen it happening.” I tapped my chest. “I couldn’t accept that I’d spent four years with a person who was capable of doing such a heinous thing all along. So it had to be that I missed something. The alternative was so much worse. If I didn’t see it in you, how would I see it in someone else? That meant no one could be trusted.”

I paused and shook my head. “Did you know that when you’re looking for something, you always look from left to right? You never start scanning a room on the right side. And when another man comes near you, even a guy passing by who isn’t paying you one bit of attention, you square your shoulders. You should’ve been a peacock, at least you’d have pretty feathers to show off. Oh, and when you’re having a drink? You always hold it up to examine how much is left before you take the next sip. We spent four years together, and I never noticed any of that. But watch a few videos—oh, I don’t know, ten, maybe twenty-thousand times—and you notice things.”

I picked imaginary lint from my pants. “Do you know how hard it is to see the face of the man who raped you on video over and over again? Especially when he’s laughing and having a good time in them, and you realize he’s probably laughing and having a good time right now, too. While I, I’d just thrown up my dinner…again.”

I took another deep breath and studied Braden’s face. What I saw made me smile. I was certain the smile came off as insane, but I didn’t give a shit.

I tapped the skin at the corner of my left eye. “You just twitched. It was very slight, because I assume you’ve gotten better at hiding your tells over the years, but I saw it. I forgot to mention that while studying those videos, I also learned that you felt extremely threatened by my father and your own father.” I pointed to the corner of his eye. “It’s a little hard to see today, surrounded by all that black and blue and bruising, but it was there. You’re feeling threatened right now.”

Braden spoke through gritted teeth. “Don’t flatter yourself. The muscle in my eye is probably damaged, which causes involuntary twitching. I’ll make sure to note that in my civil suit against the thug you’re dating—after I make sure he’s locked up.”

“Sure, that’s it.” I smiled and looked at my nails. “Anyway, I just wanted to let you know a few things more. First, you ruined my life for six years. I blamed myself for not seeing things in you, and because of that I kept my distance from anyone I might’ve had a real connection with. I was afraid having feelings again would make me blind to seeing the truth about a person, like it did with you. I trusted you. Even when I knew you were following me and lying about it, I still trusted you enough to open the door to my home and let you in that night to talk. I felt bad for hurting you, even though I’d done nothing wrong in our relationship. When you refused to stop, it did more than break my trust in you. It broke my trust in all men—hell, it broke my trust in humanity. You were my first, Braden. My first serious boyfriend, my first sexual experience, my first everything. Firsts are where we learn things for our second and third. And I learned things no woman should ever have to learn. You ruined my life.”

I’d been on an adrenaline high since I walked in, but now I felt the inevitable crash starting to take root. So I knew it was time to go. Standing, I smoothed out my pants and looked up at the face that haunted my dreams for so many years. It was fitting that it was beaten and bruised.

“Goodbye, Braden.”

I made it almost to the door when he yelled after me. “That’s it? You’re not even going to beg for leniency for your boyfriend?”

I turned back. “I begged you to stop once, so I already know how that goes. I’ll save my breath to pray for the other survivors. Because I’m sure I’m not the only one you did this to.”

The corner of his eye twitched, and his jaw tightened.

“I thought so,” I said. “Rot in hell, rapist.”

CHAPTER 34

* * *

Donovan

Ten days had passed since I last saw Autumn. She’d texted once and said she was okay but needed to work through some things by herself. But it was quickly becoming clear that one of the things she needed to work through was me.