He blinked sleepily, then drifted off. Numb with shock, stunned, and disoriented, Lillian stared at him for an agonizing moment. A medical team arrived to take him to the OR. After they wheeled him away, she sank onto the chair and wept inconsolably.

It was a short walk to the hotel after Freddie was taken into surgery, which she had been told could last five or six hours or more. In a horrendous daze, Lillian collected the room key from the front desk clerk, who cheerfully informed her that the room was already paid for.

Slipping the key into the lock, she surrendered to her exhaustion, aching for the soft bed that awaited her. The lock clicked, and she pushed the door open but stopped in the doorway when her gaze fell upon the bed, which was not empty.

“Anton . . . ,” she uttered softly.

He was stretched out on top of the covers, asleep. At the sound of her voice, he sat up and quickly stood but did not approach her.

“You’re back,” he said. “How is he?”

Caught off guard by Anton’s presence in the room, Lillian closed the door behind her, walked in, and set her purse on the TV cabinet. “He’s the same. No change. And he’s in surgery now.” They stared at each other uncertainly for a few seconds. “I didn’t expect you to be here.”

She didn’t want him there. She wanted to be alone.

Anton took a step toward her, but she held up a hand. “Please, don’t try to comfort me. I don’t want that. I couldn’t bear it.”

If she fell apart now, there would be no coming back from it.

“I understand,” he replied, watching her retreat into the bathroom.

She shut the door behind her and stared at herself in the mirror, then turned on the faucet and washed her hands. She didn’t need to use the toilet—she had used the washroom at the hospital on her way out—but she didn’t want to open the door either. She needed time to get over the shock of seeing Anton in her bed.

Heaven help her. Despite everything, his mere presence, without a word spoken, touched something deep inside her heart. And her body still yearned for him. One look into his eyes shook her to the core and made her want to melt into his arms for the comfort he would provide—but she couldn’t do that. Everything was tainted now. Because of what they had done together, Freddie was in critical condition and might never walk again.

Searching for strength to get through this, Lillian reached for the door handle and walked out of the bathroom. Anton was still standing there, exactly where she had left him.

He gestured to a shopping bag on a table in the corner of the room. “I got you a toothbrush and some clean clothes for tomorrow.”

She warmed at his kindness but fought to remain steady on her feet. When she moved to look inside the bag, she found socks and underwear, some toiletries, a pair of jeans, sweatpants, pajamas, and a few T-shirts.

“This is helpful. Thank you.” She faced him, and they stared at each other in silence until she couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn’t keep from expressing her feelings. “I’m never going to forgive myself,” she said.

“No,” Anton firmly replied. “It’s my fault, not yours. I shouldn’t have told him you were leaving him. I should have left that to you. You would have handled it better. Now, I’m afraid you’re going to hate me forever.” He shook his head with remorse.

She moved to the bed and sat down. “I don’t hate you.”

Anton sat down beside her and took hold of her hand.

“You didn’t know Freddie was going to be on the road where he was,” Lillian said. “And he was throwing punches at you. I understand why you were concerned about me. At first, I wasn’t sure, I didn’t know what to think, but now I understand why you were driving fast. I know you would never wish to harm anyone. That’s not who you are.”

Anton spoke somberly. “What will happen now?”

Watching how his thumb gently stroked her knuckles, she found herself speaking matter-of-factly, as if she had tossed her heart into a deep grave and was now shoveling dirt upon it. “He’ll be in surgery for the next few hours, but the doctors said it could be weeks before he’ll be stable enough to go home. Then he’ll need to go into a rehabilitation facility and learn how to live, probably as a quadriplegic. But it’s not just the broken spinal cord that causes trouble. He’s going to be vulnerable to all sorts of infections, and in his weakened state . . .”

Suddenly unable to go on, Lillian sobbed with grief onto Anton’s shoulder, and he held her close.

When she finally recovered and wiped away her tears, she said, “Tonight, the doctor told me that statistically, most people who suffer an injury like this have an average life expectancy of only two years. It’s not the spinal cord injury that takes them but some sort of other infection.”

Tears filled her eyes again—hot, burning tears that streamed down her cheeks. Anton continued to hold her. He kissed the top of her head.

“I need to be there for him,” she said. “I can’t abandon him now.”

Anton nodded.

For a long while, they sat together on the edge of the bed, dazed and traumatized, saying nothing. When Lillian yawned for the third time, Anton kissed the back of her hand. “You’re tired. You need to get some rest.”

“Yes.”

He stood up, and she walked him to the door. Before he left, she took in the full force of his gaze.

“Where do we go from here, Lillian?” he asked.

“We don’t go anywhere,” she replied, almost instantly. “I can’t see you again. Not while Freddie is fighting to survive. It would break his heart. I’m quite sure it would destroy his will to live.”

Anton bowed his head with understanding and wept softly. She bowed her head, too, and they stood apart, afraid to touch each other.

After a moment, Anton stepped toward her for one last loving embrace. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

“Me too. This isn’t how I wanted this to end, for any of us.” She drew back. “Please don’t write to me or call me. Don’t try to contact me. I don’t think I could bear it.”

“I’ll do whatever you want me to do,” he said, “but I won’t stop loving you, and I’ll wait for you. However long it takes. I’ll wait forever.”

She frowned and shook her head, her voice laced with sorrow. “Please don’t say that. It sounds as if you’ll be waiting for Freddie to die. I can’t live with that.”

He nodded and touched his forehead to hers, and she felt transported back to the vineyards and wine cellars of Tuscany, to the dinner table beneath the leafy trellis at the villa, where candle flames flickered in the warm evening breezes and laughter filled the night. To the conversations she’d had with tourists who were beguiled by the sights, scents, and flavors of Italy. It all felt like a fantasy with no connection to her current or future physical reality. From this moment on, those memories would become a part of her dreams.

She closed her eyes and worked hard to imprint the images in her mind. To never forget.

“I’ll be here for you,” Anton said. “If you ever need anything, you’ll have it.”

Her heart was aching, as if it were suffering a slow, painful death. She didn’t want to drag this out. She wanted him to leave, to put a swift end to this unbearable torture.