At first, it’s quiet, almost unnoticeable, but it gets louder and louder until it’s the only thing I hear.

Ah. This must be what it means to have a broken heart.

The most daunting part is, I don’t think this feeling will ever go away.

11

Rai

I don’t feel so good.

That’s an understatement. I can at least admit that I’m the worst I’ve been since…Dedushka’s death.

A weight perches on my chest, confiscating my air supply and replacing it with a harsh, merciless gloom.

It’s draining me.

Asphyxiating me.

And all I want to do is just…scream.

But at the same time, I don’t have the luxury of losing myself to that feeling. It’s over. Everything is…done.

It’s been exactly two hours since I freed Kyle. Just two hours and it feels like fucking years already.

I was never good at letting things go. I never get used to the feeling with time like most people. Instead, I hold on to it and keep replaying it in my head during every waking moment. I didn’t let go when Mom died or when I was separated from Dad and Reina, and I definitely didn’t let go when Dedushka left me all alone with this pack of wolves.

I lost too many things and became horrible at moving on. So it’s not a surprise that I keep replaying Kyle’s words and seeing his bloodied face over and over. At this rate, it’ll consume me and eat at me from the inside out little by little.

So instead of getting lost in my own head, I choose to go back to V Corp and busy myself with work. Kai called to schedule a meeting, and I asked him to come today. I need all the distractions possible.

Ruslan and Katia accompanied me silently. They’ve been sulking ever since I freed Kyle. I left before Vlad could catch me because he’d have my head on a platter, but I’ll deal with him later.

Ruslan even told me that Kyle isn’t the type who will disappear just like that, but he forgot that Kyle has no choice because if he comes near my family or the brotherhood again, I will have to kill him.

Kai shows up on time, as usual, gives a firm handshake, and joins me in the lounge area. His guard remains outside with Ruslan and Katia.

While I wanted this meeting to happen so I could distract myself, I should’ve prepared more for it. Kai is a bit like Adrian. He doesn’t give up and runs a lot deeper than his nonchalant façade. So when he plans something, he goes the extra mile that not many people know exists.

Kai is the brain of the Yakuza here and has strong ties to their counterparts in Japan. In fact, he has often been asked to go back to lead one of the clans in his country, but he prefers staying here.

At one of the parties we attended, he once told me that New York is more fun with all the warring clans and organizations. A man who gets off on chaos should never be taken lightly, because you never know when he’ll get bored and instigate said chaos.

He sips leisurely from a cup of green tea while I opted for a coffee. Truth is, I prefer to just throw everything out and hit the bar.

If it were a few weeks ago, I would’ve spent ample time studying Kai’s movements and trying to hold the upper hand in any negotiations.

But now my mind feels kind of blank, and instead of shooing it away, I hold on to it. The blankness means I don’t have to think about what happened in the warehouse. About Kyle’s bloodied face and tortured about. About whether or not he already left the country now.

“I heard you’re having problems with the Irish,” Kai starts nonchalantly.

“A little.”

“Isn’t that an understatement?”

“Perhaps, but it’ll end one way or another.”

“Don’t you think it’s taking more time than it should?”

“It is.”

“It’s natural, though.”

“Natural, how?”

“You and the Irish were always on bad terms.”

“How do you know that?”

“I might have heard tales.”

“What kind of tales?”

“The interesting kind.”

Ugh. He’ll keep dragging me along before he finally divulges it. “Care to elaborate?”

“Let’s say that you were friends once upon a time.”

“We…were?” The brotherhood and the Irish have always been at each other’s throats for as long as I can remember. Damien’s dispute is only the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“Yes. Nikolai never mentioned that?”

“Not really. I know our Bratva counterparts in Russia, Boston, and Chicago can get along with the Irish, but that was never the case for us.”

Kai’s eyes twinkle as he takes a steady sip of his tea. “You got along with them a long time ago.”

“How long are we talking about?”

“Decades.”

“How would you know? You couldn’t have been present at the time.”

“No. But I have birds.”

A bird is Kai’s word for a spy. He has lots of them. Birds.

“And what did your birds tell you?”

“Birds talk a lot and make so much noise, so I don’t always take their word for granted.”

“You wouldn’t have mentioned it if you didn’t already suspect something.”

“This is why I like you.” He snaps his fingers. “You’re quick-witted and understand the situation just like that.”

“Does the compliment mean you’ll tell me?”

His lips move in a soft smile, which completely contradicts the tales I’ve heard about how he mutilates his opponents with his sword. He takes his love for kendo to another level that I’m sure isn’t instilled in the noble form of the Japanese martial arts.

“What if I told you there are some illegitimate ties?”

“Illegitimate ties?” I repeat.

“As you said, I wasn’t present. I’ve only heard passing birds talk about things that might not be true.”

“What type of things?”

“Things that include secret alliances and meetings in the dark.”

“Between who and who?”

“Someone Irish and someone Russian, and by someone, I mean they held—or hold—some importance in both organizations.”