As soon as we’re in an adjacent dining room and out of earshot, I let Reina remove my hand from her mouth.

She stands in front of me, placing a hand on her hip and tapping her foot on the ground. She really acts like Mom sometimes.

“Spill, Rai.”

“What?” I feign innocence.

“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”

“What gave you that idea?”

“Thanks, but I’m not drinking.” She mimics the tone I used.

“Only that?”

“That’s the exact same line I told Asher as soon as I found out I was pregnant with Gareth. Also, you’re all radiant—your skin is glowing and your hair is shinier. That’s what’s different about you.”

“You’re imagining things.”

“No, I’m not. You also look at Kyle as if you want to ride him standing. I did that during my first trimester. The position isn’t exactly comfy, but it’s fucking hot.”

“Too much information, Rei.”

“Stop being a prude.”

“I’m not a prude. I just don’t like talking about these things aloud.”

“Which is the definition of a prude. So am I right or am I right?”

I can never win with her, so I sigh. “Yeah, fine, I’m pregnant.”

She squeals, jumping up and down like when she won whenever Mom played hide and seek with us. I guess Reina kept more of her child self than I did. That part of me died when I realized what it meant to be part of the brotherhood—that if I don’t kill, I’ll be killed.

“I’m not keeping it,” I say, low enough that I’m almost sure she didn’t hear me.

But Reina stops jumping, her expression more worried than judgmental. “Why?”

“Because…I just can’t bring a child into the world I live in.”

“What are you talking about? At this rate, you’re just wasting your life away.”

“I’m not wasting my life away. I’m building it. There’s a difference.”

“Okay, fine. But answer one question.”

“What?”

“Do you want children?”

“I…don’t know.”

“Have you ever thought about motherhood? About Mom?”

“I think about her all the time.” I clear my throat when my voice catches. “But I won’t be her, Reina. I will not give birth to children knowing full well they will suffer in the crime world.”

“Did you suffer?”

“No, but that’s because I had Dedushka.”

“And your child will have you and Kyle and his badass auntie, too. Ash and I started taking Muay Thai classes and we can totally kick ass.” She steps back to show me a pose, and I smile a little. “So before you make any decisions, just think about it, okay?”

“I have, and my decision is final.”

“Is Kyle fine with it?”

“No, but his opinion doesn’t matter.”

“He’s the father, Rai.”

“And this is my body. He had no right to plant his seed in there without my permission.” My voice rises and I breathe through my nostrils to calm down. “I didn’t ask for this. I’m not…I’m not fit to be a mother. I’m not you or Mom, Rei. What…would happen to my child if I somehow died? Huh? And Kyle? That bastard’s lifestyle is even more dangerous than mine. Sooner or later, he’ll leave, whether by choice or by a bullet. And then what? How am I supposed to carry that weight on my own?”

“Why can’t you?” She rubs my arm. “You’re the strongest person I know, Rai. You’ve been my hero since the moment you stepped in front of Ivan and said, ‘I’m Rai Sokolov.’ I was trembling in the corner like a stray kitten in the rain, but you didn’t falter or look back. You took my place without hesitation and gave me your comfy life. You saved me, Rai, in more ways than one and continue to do so sixteen years later. Why would you doubt your motherly skills when you’ve had them since we were kids?

“Besides…” She wipes the tear that slides down my cheek. “We’ll all die one day, so it’s pointless to use that as an excuse. You’re just scared, and it’s fine. I was constantly afraid of what type of mother I’d be. I still doubt myself sometimes, but Ash and I hold each other through it all. It’s like one of us would fall without the other. Gareth is the best gift I could’ve ever gotten. So I don’t want you to make rash decisions without thinking clearly about it. That being said, if you still want to abort, I’ll be right there, holding your hand through it.”

“Reina…”

“Come here, big sis.” She hugs me, and I close my eyes as I let her warmth envelop me. “Although, five minutes is too unfair. I should’ve come out first.”

I chuckle, pulling away to stroke her hair. “I feel so much better after talking to you.”

“That’s what twins are for—though you’re losing your privileges after you hid your marriage from me.”

“Rei…”

“Fine, fine. You were protecting me and whatever.”

“I would do anything to make sure you’re safe.”

“I have no doubt, but don’t cut me out of your life. I hate that.”

“I’ll try to be more present.”

“As you should. Now, tell me all about you and Kyle.”

A deep sigh heaves out of my lungs. “There’s nothing to tell.”

“What do you mean there’s nothing to tell? There’s so much tension between you two that it can be cut through with a knife.”

“Have you seen the way he looks at me?”

“Like he wants to hate-fuck you, then slowly fuck you?”

“No, like he’s erasing me.”

She stares at me incredulously. “Whoa. You’re hopeless.”

“What?”

“You’re such a great judge of character in mafia things, but you suck in the affection department, Rai.”

“What is that supposed to mean? He really looks like he doesn’t care.”

“No, he doesn’t. He just seems a bit heartbroken.”

“Because I said I would abort the baby that wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t switched my birth control pills. Who between us should be heartbroken?”