“Still a little nervous.”

And I know what she’s talking about. She texted fifteen times yesterday. My grandmother gave me a stern look in church, so I muted it.

“They won’t report it,” I tell her. “And who knows? They might cross the tracks for a little more fun.”

“I’m not worried about them reporting it,” she retorts.

I know. The Jaegers would exact their own justice before going to the police. I still feel shitty about Callum and Milo trashing their house.

“Hey!” Krisjen chirps. She heads to her locker, rubbing a hand on my back. “How are you doing, babe?”

“Fine,” I blurt out. “What is it with you guys?”

Why do they keep asking that?

Amy and Krisjen exchange glances, and Krisjen broaches softly, “It’s just... I know this week is hard…on your family.”

I turn away, slipping my phone into the side pocket on my leggings. It’s been four years since Henry died, and I wait for the sting in my eyes to come like it always does the moment my mind wanders to him, but it’s not coming.

I’m distracted. It’s not… I don’t know. I miss him. I miss him so badly I’d give up my hands to have him back, but it’s not the only loss I’m feeling right now.

I glance around again, keeping an eye out for Liv, but she’s nowhere to be seen.

And as we all head into the gym, and I jump on the treadmill, she still doesn’t show. Where is she? Maybe she skipped for her birthday, but I feel uneasy.

I fit my earbuds in and pretend to start music as I stalk her social media, looking for a reason why she isn’t here. A dentist appointment. Suddenly sick. Self-care day.

Sudden death?

But nothing. She hasn’t posted all morning.

“Conroy?” Coach calls, walking into the weight room with a tablet. “Your time has come. I need you to take Jaeger’s position at midfield.”

Krisjen’s mouth falls open as she stops the treadmill. “You’re not serious.”

That’s Liv’s position.

I step forward. “What’s going on? Where is Jaeger playing now?”

Coomer turns her eyes on me, looking almost hesitant. “She’s…withdrawn from the team.”

“What?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Coach assures. “Don’t worry.”

She starts to leave, but I jump off the treadmill, stopping her. “Hey, wait a minute. She just…she just quit? You’re joking.”

Coach turns and looks around at the three of us, other girls faltering in their workout to listen.

“She’s finishing the school year from home,” Coach announces.

My stomach drops. “What?” Like hell.

But Coach just looks at me, replying calmly, “Well, what did you expect, Clay?”

And I fall silent, because my behavior hasn’t escaped anyone’s notice, it seems. Coach looks like she’s surprised Olivia Jaeger lasted as long as she did, under the circumstances.

She leaves, her question hanging in the air, and Amy rushes to my side. “Oh my God.”

“She actually left school?” Krisjen joins in.

Amy’s eyes smile and a lump swells in my throat. I turn away, pretending to look at my phone. The world spins in front of me, static in my vision, and I’m going to scream if I don’t get out of here.

I don’t have anything to prove. I don’t know why I ever thought I did. Especially to you. This is what she meant when she told me to take care of myself. If it weren’t for me, she’d be here. She’d be happy.

So, she left. She let me win.

She just let me win. Just like that.

Amy and Krisjen talk, and I just stare at my phone, my thumb hovering over the screen and my head spinning in a million different directions, so much so that I don’t know what I’m doing.

The allure of her will be gone now. That’s good. Whatever my obsession was, she did me a favor. I can concentrate on other things: boys, friends, getting ready for the ball and prom and college…

It’s over.

“You get to play now!” Amy argues, and I snap my attention back to my friends. “Why are you whining?”

“I like my minimal position, thank you,” Krisjen says. “I can’t play Jaeger’s. Especially against Gibbon’s Cross.”

“Yeah,” Amy sighs, agreeing. “Jaeger was good for something, I guess.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, my chest tightening painfully. I can’t… I can’t.

I leave, whipping open the door and heading back into the locker room.

“Clay!” Amy shouts after me.

But I keep going.

I don’t have to get angry about this. I’m not a toddler. She’s leaving the team high and dry, but other than that, it’s no loss. I drove her out. I did what I set out to do. I win.

So why do I want to kick every door I see? I pass Megan in the locker room, expecting a dirty look, but once she sees my face, a slight smile graces hers.

She gets to have her now. No one will know.

Stripping off my clothes, I wrap a towel around myself and carry my caddie into a shower stall. Closing the curtain, I turn on the water, breathing in and out as I wet my hair and let the hot water soothe me. I close my eyes, my shoulders heavy and my head feeling like it weighs a hundred pounds. I just want to sit down.

I just want to—

But all of a sudden, the rings on the shower rod slide together again. I pop my eyes open, spin around, and see Liv stepping into the private stall with me. My heart leaps as she closes the curtain behind her and approaches me, holding her towel to her body.

For a moment, I’m flooded with relief. She’s here. She didn’t leave.

I find my voice, confident again and refusing to smile, even though I want to. “What the hell are you doing?” I whisper. “Get out. Now.”

I reach for my towel to cover myself, but in one swift movement, she pulls hers off of her body and knocks my hand away all in the same shot. I stare down at her naked body, and the wind leaves my lungs. My chest caves, and I barely notice her backing me into the wall as she tips her head back and wets her hair. Streams of water cascade down her golden skin, and I can’t breathe as it spills over her breasts and drips off the hard, little points. My clit pulses as I hate her all over again.

She meets my eyes, smoothing back her hair, and approaches me until her nipples brush mine. I can’t think, and I can’t swallow.

“Maybe these separate shower stalls your bigot mother had put in weren’t such a bad idea, after all,” she says.

I watch as she tips her head back, opens her mouth, and places it under the stream, filling it with water. The pulse between my legs pounds so hard, I almost groan.

She kisses me, opening her mouth, the warm water spilling inside and down my chin and neck, and I lick my lips, thirsty for more, because tasting what she tasted makes me go mad. I throb down low, my body beating like a drum. I whimper, about to fucking come when she pulls away.

My lip quivers, and I can’t find my words for a minute. “G—Get out,” I tell her.

But she doesn’t. Grabbing the showerhead off the hook, she sticks it between my legs, and I gasp, stopping just short of crying out.

“Ah,” I moan. I cup her face and hold her to me, almost in tears it feels so good. “Liv…”