Liv’s eyes flash to mine, and I hop off of her, pulling the covers up over us and looking for any clothes.

Shit.

I find my shorts and top under the covers and pull them on, the door opening just before I can button my shirt.

I hold it closed, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and pretending to be looking for something between the bed and the wall.

“You okay?” Amy asks, walking out of the bathroom.

I glance up, my heart still pounding. “Have…have you seen my yellow Chucks?” I ask, trying to hide my nerves and steel my voice.

I see Liv’s shorts on the floor and slide them under the bed with my foot.

A shoe lands on the bed. “There’s one,” Amy says.

“Thanks.”

I’m afraid to look at Liv. Knowing her, she’s probably smiling.

“Give me five minutes.” Amy holds the towel wrapped around her head, clasping her clothes to her towel-wrapped body. “I need to rinse out this hair mask, and then you can have the shower.”

“No rush,” I chirp.

Amy shuts herself in the bathroom again, and I swipe Liv’s shorts out from under the bed and walk around to the other side, tossing them to her and buttoning my shirt. I catch sight of myself in the mirror, locks of my hair in spirals like a bird’s nest that’s been through a tornado.

I pull the covers off her, avoiding looking at her body. “Get dressed.”

I’m not satisfied. Not nearly, and everything aches. I don’t want to leave her. I don’t want to leave her arms.

She sighs, rising from the bed, and I see her black panties on the sheets and pick them up.

I stare at them, thinking about her other pair that I have.

“I want more,” I whisper, sitting on the bed. “I want to make noise.”

She stands in front of me, and I raise my eyes, taking in her smooth stomach, and how I want my turn to taste her under the sheets.

I wince, something inside of me hurting, just looking at her.

Opening her underwear, I lean down, waiting as she steps into them.

“Sleep over at my house tonight,” she tells me.

I pull her panties up her legs as I hear the shower come on. Liv pulls on her tank top. “Your whole family will know,” I say.

She falls silent, and I know I’ve said something wrong.

I meet her eyes, seeing a question in hers. “Don’t look at me like that.” I pick up her shorts off the bed and help her into them, and I’m not sure why I’m dressing her. “I’m still trying to figure out what’s happening. Just let me enjoy this before the whole world has an opinion about it.”

“Relax, Clay.” She brushes my hair out of my eye. “I’m not going to out you. You want to keep it quiet, that suits me too.”

Why?

I cock my head at her.

She just shrugs. “I mean, it’s not like this is a relationship, right?”

Well… I open my mouth but nothing comes out. I guess not. I hadn’t thought that far ahead.

Just that she’s the only option for me. She’s the only thing I want in the world.

“In a few months, you’ll be going to one college,” she says, “and I’ll be going to another. And I’m still not entirely sure I like you, so…”

At that, I smile. “You like me.” I glide my fingers up her legs, teasing her. “And you are coming back to school.”

She cocks a brow.

“I’ll be so pleasant,” I play.

Like soooooo pleasant.

“So, a piece of ass is enough to get me back to that shithole?”

“Not just any piece of ass,” I remind her. “And I’ll get even better with practice.”

I know it was my first time, and I know she’ll probably lose patience, having to teach me everything, but I’m a fast learner.

She tips my chin up, no longer smiling. “Don’t change a thing,” she orders.

A shiver runs through me, and I hold her waist, staring up at her.

I don’t want peoples’ reactions to this. I just want her. That’s it. Why can’t I have what I want?

I just don’t want to have those conversations with people like this is any of their business.

But I’m not ready to stop. We’ve already gotten it on, and whether my friends find out I fucked her once or twenty times, it’s still something I can’t undo. So why not a couple more times?

I don’t want to sleep tonight. I don’t need sleep.

“Don’t call anyone to pick you up when we get to school,” I tell her. “Walk around the back. I’ll swing past and pick you up.” A grin pulls at my lips. “Sleepover at my house.”

My parents probably won’t be around, and if they are, they won’t bother us. Just a friend and me—talking about guys, eating junk food, and doing whatever we want in the dark. All night.

“Okay,” she says.

I smile, and we finish getting dressed, my head going crazy with the idea of having all night with her. Just us.

Maybe I’ll make her something to eat. I don’t want to just see her in my room. I want to see her in the kitchen, in my bathroom, in my shower…

Krisjen brings us coffee, and within an hour we’re all showered up and packed, a whole weekend ahead where, if I’m clever, I can spend it sneaking around with Liv.

The whole way back to school is torture. Krisjen offers to drive Liv home, since she picked her up, but thankfully Liv declines, opting to ride the bus with me instead.

She slips into a seat to the right, and I pause, nearly sitting down with her, but Amy is behind me, and I panic, moving on a couple more rows and sliding into a seat on the left.

Liv catches my eyes, leaning against the window and props her leg up on the seat, winking at me.

I breathe easier, still feeling like shit, but she knows what this is. She’ll have all my attention soon.

We glance at each other from time to time, spells where I find myself staring at her as she leans back, eyes closed, and her earbuds playing music. A blush warms my cheeks, thinking about everything that just happened between us, and how I can still smell her on me. In my hair.

I had sex. With someone else. I’ve made myself come before, but does this mean I’m not a virgin now? I still have my hymen, but that can’t be the gauge, right? Guys don’t have one, and they still refer to themselves as virgins if they’ve never had sex.

I’m not a virgin anymore. And I fold my lips between my teeth to hide my smile. Liv was my first.

I look over at her again, watching her listening to her music and feeling different all over. I guess it’s kind of a cliché to think sex changes you. The old ‘Do I look different?’ joke and all.

But I feel different. Krisjen and Amy each had lost their virginity a while ago, but I know they didn’t enjoy their first times.

Mine couldn’t have been any better. Except maybe for privacy and the opportunity to keep her in my arms a while longer.

How is she going to break my hymen? And what about protection? Were we supposed to use something? Shit. I need to Google some stuff.

But first, my house.

I nearly cut my lip, biting it so hard to keep from smiling as I saunter off the bus and feel her behind me. I dig out my keys, trying to stay calm, but I can’t stop the somersaults in my stomach.