The thought of trying to swallow anything down past the mass in my throat was so ludicrous, I actually laughed a little.

“No, thanks,” I said.

“All right.” Father Dominic started from the room. At the doorway, however, he paused and looked back.

“I’m sorry, Susannah,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when… it happened. And I’m more sorry than I can say that it had to end this way.”

And with that, he was gone.

I stood there for a moment, not doing anything, not thinking a thing. Then the true meaning of his words sunk in.

And I lost it.

Because Father Dominic was right. This was the end. I could deny it as much as I wanted, but this was it. Jesse was dying, right before my eyes, and there was nothing, nothing on earth, that I could do for him.

And it was my fault. My own fault he was leaving me. Sure, I could comfort myself that wherever he was, it had to be better than the half-life he’d had with me.

But that didn’t make it hurt any less.

I fell into the chair beside Jesse’s hospital bed. I couldn’t see, I was crying so hard. Not out loud. I didn’t want any nurse to come running with a bunch of tranquilizers or anything. What I really wanted, I realized, was my mom. No, not my mom. My dad. Where was my dad now, when I really needed him?

“Susannah.”

I thought about Jesse’s grave, the one marked by the headstone Father Dominic and I had paid for. What was in that grave now, if Jesse’s body was here? Nothing. It was empty.

But not for long. No, not for long.

“Susannah.”

And back in his own time? What were Mr. and Mrs. O’Neil doing right now? Probably combing through the rubble of what had been their barn. They’d find one skeleton for sure. But would they know it wasn’t Jesse’s? Would Jesse’s family have closure or would they wonder forever what had happened to their beloved son and brother?

No. They had no way of knowing the body was Diego’s. They’d think it was Jesse. The de Silvas would have a funeral. But for the wrong man.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. Great. Someone was there. Someone was watching me cry my eyes out. Nice. Let the girl have a little time to grieve, would you, please?

“Go away,” I snapped, lifting my head. “Can’t you see I’m—”

That’s when I noticed that the figure beside me was glowing.

Chapter

twenty

I must have jumped about a mile and a half into the air, I was that startled. I know I sprang from the chair, so fast that I knocked it over. I stood there, my chest heaving, my eyes suddenly bone dry, and stared.

Because standing there beside the bed, looking down at Jesse’s prone body, was…

Jesse.

I looked from one Jesse to the other, not quite believing what I was seeing.

But it was true. There were two Jesses, the dead one and the live one.

Or, I suppose it would have been more correct to say the dead one and the dying one.

“J-Jesse?” I swiped at the tears coating my cheeks with the back of my smoky sleeve.

But Jesse wasn’t looking at me. He was staring down at…well, at himself, on the bed.

“Susannah,” he whispered. “What… what did you do?”

I was so overjoyed to see him, I wasn’t thinking straight. I went to him and grabbed his hand.

“Jesse, I went. Back through time, I mean,” I babbled.

He tore his gaze from the figure on the bed and focused all of that intense dark gaze on me. He didn’t look too happy.

“You went?” He glared at me. “You went after Slater? After I told you I could take care of myself?”

He was furious. I was so happy to see that fury, however, that I let out a little burble of laughter. I didn’t realize, then, what seeing him here in the hospital meant.

“You did take care of yourself,” I assured him. “I-I told you—the past you—about Diego, and he didn’t kill you, Jesse. You killed him. But then… then… there was a fire.” I swallowed, not feeling like laughing anymore. “In the barn. The O’Neils’ barn…”

His eyes narrowed.

“The O’Neils,” he murmured. He appeared to be in as much of a daze as I was. “I remember them.”

“Yes,” I said. “There was a fire, and Jesse… Jesse, you saved me. Or, at least, you tried to. But… but…”

My voice trailed off. Jesse had dropped my hand. He was moving closer to the bed, looking down at the body that lay there, barely breathing.

“I don’t understand,” Jesse said. “How did this happen?”

I bit my lip. There was no time for explanations. Not when, any minute, I knew we were going to have to be saying good-bye…

“I did it,” I blurted. “I didn’t mean to. I meant to save you, Jesse, not… not this. But I was still touching you when I shifted back to the future, and you… you just got caught.”

Jesse finally looked at me like he was really seeing me, maybe for the first time since he’d come into the room.

“You really went back?” He stared at me. “To the past? My past?”

I nodded. What was there to say?

He shook his head. “And Paul? I went to the basilica to look for him, but he was gone. You followed him?”

I nodded again.

“I wanted to stop him,” I said. “From… from keeping you from dying. But in the end… I couldn’t, Jesse. It wasn’t right. What Diego did to you. I couldn’t let it happen again. So I told you. And you killed him. You killed Diego. But then there was the fire and… “ I looked down at the figure in the bed. I couldn’t stifle a sob. “And now I think this is good-bye. I’m sorry, Jesse. I’m so, so sorry.”

My vision clouded over again with tears. I couldn’t believe any of this was happening. I had always thought of my “gift” as a curse, but never, never had I hated it as much as I did just then. I wished I had never heard of mediators. I wished I had never seen a single ghost. I wished I had never been born.

Then I felt Jesse’s hand on my cheek.

“Querida,” he said.

He placed his other hand on the bed to balance himself as he leaned across it to kiss me. One last kiss before he was ripped from me forever. I closed my eyes, anticipating the feel of those cool lips against mine. Good-bye, Jesse. Goodbye.