“Yeah,” said Alexa. “Fine. Thanks.”

26.

The Squad

Text from Georgia to Rebecca, 6:42 p.m: We R here holding the table

Text from Tammy to Rebecca, 6:57 p.m: Where are U? R U coming? Should we order U a Drink?

Text from Gina to Rebecca, 7:12 p.m: Hello????

27.

Alexa

“You were gone awhile,” said Cam when she made her way back to him. “Everything okay?” The band was taking a break.

“Yes,” she said. “Good.”

Her hands were shaking so much that she dropped her phone and it went skittering across the floor. Cam retrieved it, and she saw him glance down at the screen before handing it back to her. Three more texts from Tyler had come in in the last ten minutes. She watched Cam see the texts. The last one said Where R U I thought we had plans. Then her phone rang and Tyler’s name flashed across the screen.

Cam set his mouth in a tight line and said, “Should I answer?”

“No!” said Alexa, horrified.

“You don’t seem so unencumbered,” Cam said. “Is that why you were gone so long in the bathroom?”

“Oh, calm down,” she told Cam. She meant for it to strike a light note, but it came out wrong, she was too shaken up by the guy near the bathroom to joke properly. She wrenched a smile from her jittery lips, but she could tell by Cam’s face that he didn’t think it was funny. On the contrary, he was looking at her regretfully, the way her mother looked at Morgan when she knocked over a glass at a nice restaurant. She could feel his regard for her slipping away.

“Listen,” said Cam. “I have to ask you a question.” He gave the impression of straightening a tie, even though, obviously, he wasn’t wearing one. “Is Tyler still your boyfriend?”

“No,” said Alexa. “I mean, yes. No. Sort of.”

Cam looked stern and disappointed. “If you have a boyfriend, then why’d you kiss me?”

“Why’d you kiss me back?” she countered.

He stared at her.

“Screw this,” she said under her breath, but not so much under her breath that he couldn’t hear her.

The band began to play “Crash Into Me.” Appropriate.

Cam shook his head. She recognized that shake. She’d seen it before. It was a sign that people were disappointed in her. She’d seen it on Caitlin and Destiny when she’d stormed out in March. She’d seen it on Morgan when she’d closed her bedroom door and told Morgan she wanted to be alone. Cam glanced at his watch and said, “You about ready? After this song?”

Alexa thought of Morgan saying, “Why can’t you be nicer?”

(Why couldn’t she be nicer?)

“Sure,” she said to Cam, keeping her voice even. “Ready when you are.”

Because nice doesn’t get you anywhere, Morgan, she thought. Nice just gets you to the back of the line.

On the way out, Cam didn’t touch Alexa. He didn’t put his hand on her lower back to guide her through the middle-aged crowd. When they were on the sidewalk, moving toward the minivan, he kept a safe distance. On the way home, he talked to her some, but his words were clipped, and she could tell that he was trying his best not to engage fully.

She glanced at him as he drove, looking at his strong profile, the small dent underneath his cheekbone. Alexa was experiencing an unfamiliar feeling. If she had to put a name to it she might call it . . . yearning. She wanted to kiss that stupid dent. Alexa Thornhill was not accustomed to being the yearner; she was always, always the yearned for.

These fickle fuddled words confuse me, Cam, she thought.

When he pulled up in front of her house she said, “Thanks. That was fun.” She waited a half second before opening the car door.

Cam said, “No problem. See you around.” He didn’t look directly at her.

She slammed her door extra, extra hard. How dare he make her feel this way. He was the one who invited her to the concert. All she did was make one comment, under her breath, even, and he gave up on her.

Bernice was sleeping in her dog bed; she woke up long enough to thump her tail twice and then she went back to sleep. For a few minutes Alexa stroked Bernice’s ear, which was as soft as a silk blanket.

She sat with Bernice for a long time, watching the rise and fall of her ribs, what looked like a smile on her giant black lips. Bernice was the least judgmental creature in Alexa’s world.

Alexa Thornhill, how would you rate your evening at the Hampton Beach Casino, with one being not very irritating and ten being very, very irritating?

Eleven, she thought. No, twelve. Definitely twelve. And a half.

July

28.

The Squad

Text from Rebecca to Mom Squad Group Chat, July 2nd, 3:06 p.m.: I invited Sherri to come along on Gina and Steve’s pontoon ride on 4th, Hope ok?? ??

Text from Gina to Mom Squad Group Chat, July 2nd, 3:07 p.m.: Maybe ask privately before you invite someone else? ??

Text from Dawn to Gina, July 2nd, 3:08 p.m.: Hey you know you sent that to the whole group chat? ??

Text from Gina to Dawn, July 2nd, 3:08 p.m.: Nooooooooo!! Crap. What do I do?