And I panicked.

When I panic, I either laugh or say things I regret. In this case, it was the latter.

“Is that Rocco guy still alive?”

His chest started to shake with repressed laughter. “You serious?”

"What do you mean am I serious?"

Dex's chest kept shaking. "Babe, you watch too much TV," he snickered.

I tipped my chin to the side so that I could look at him over my shoulder. Yep, he was definitely trying not to laugh but happened to be losing the battle. "What? I didn't see him leave."

The head shake he gave me and little smirk on his face said that he thought I was crazy for making such a question. “Well? I don’t know what you guys were planning on doing to him. On TV they’d probably cut him up to pieces to make a lesson out of him.”

And then he laughed. Loud. “What the f**k, babe? We’ve all been to county at one point or another except your bro. None of us wanna go back. Half the guys got kids they worry about. I already told you most of us aren’t into doin’ real shady shit anymore.”

To be fair, he had told me most of those things before but I guess I hadn’t really believed him. Even Trip, who seemed like the friendliest guy, didn’t give off a friendly neighbor vibe. “Really?” I still asked him a little hesitantly.

“Really. Most of the guys work at the auto parts store or Mayhem, couple of the others work with Lu, and the ones that don’t have nonstop shit on their records, work at other places. We’re watered down now.”

“Oh.” Well, now I felt like a huge jackass. What business did I have stereotyping everyone? “So Rocco’s fine?”

"He walked out on his own after we were done," he explained. "All we did was have a little talk with him."

"Oh yeah?" I raised both my eyebrows in disbelief.

Friggin’ Dex cracked a grin that seemed to crack my chest in half. "We might've told him he wouldn't be intact if we didn't get every single cent back he stole within a week but you know, that's all, babe."

Ahh. Owed money. A story every motorcycle club that I knew of—a whopping two—were familiar with. Well, at least they were giving him a week. "Will you promise me something?"

"Depends."

"If he doesn't pay you guys back, don't do anything to his family," I whispered.

The smile on his face transformed into a stony expression that made his jaw clench. Dex tilted his face downward, reminding me that our position was a terrible idea. Terrible because it made me want to close the distance between us. His forehead touched the edge of mine. "Baby, I won't let anythin' happen to you, you gotta know that." Warm breath wafted over my cheek. "Don't worry about it."

"I know." It was the truth. My bones knew it. "But not everyone has a Sonny or a Dex to keep them safe, Charlie."

He nodded slowly, his eyes understanding. "All right."

Good gracious. Calm, sweet Dex was like a tranquilizer straight to my neck. I shared a little smile with him and dropped my gaze back down to the counter, knowing there was nothing left to tell him. "I wanted to go to the Y before work. Were you planning on going to the bar or should I drive myself?"

I had no idea why I even bothered asking.

His answer was always the same: "I'll take you."

"Okay."

“Finish your food, and then we’ll get going. Yeah?” he asked me from somewhere several feet away.

“Sure.”

Maybe he was onboard with me and the not-bringing-shit-up game. That would work. It would also work if neither one of us spoke to each other, period, to avoid dipping into an awkward conversation that I wasn't sure I was ready to have. Today or ever.

The sound of my cell phone ringing from the living room had me bolting. No one called me. Ever. Ever. I knew who it was.

I sprinted over the back of the coach like a track champion, reaching for my purse as if touching it would save the world. When the “unavailable” popped up on the screen, I shrieked and pressed the answer button with the strength of Hercules.

I panted. “Will?”

“Ris, it’s me,” my brother’s calm, baritone voice came over the receiver.

A weight I shouldered so often I forgot it was there, levitated off of me. It was one thing to know that my brother was off on the other side of the world in a decently safe area, but it was an altogether different experience to box those worries up and try not to deal with them. It made the worries stew beneath my skin, beneath my heart, under all of the fibers and the tissues that protected me.

“I was worried you were dead."

Will laughed in his own reserved way. “Sorry I haven’t called in so long, but you know how it is.”

I didn't though. Hearing the sound of his voice kind of made me a little bit mad since it'd been months from the last time I'd heard from him. Months! It wasn't like I emailed him daily, or asked for him to call me weekly, but the length of multiple months crossed the line—and it pissed me off.

“How you been? How’s work? Austin okay?” my little brother asked quickly.

My stomach churned in frustration. So he'd read my emails and just decided not to write me back?

I had to hold back the shuddering sigh that had built up in my chest at the realization and calm down. "Pretty good. You got my emails I guess?”

Will paused before making a grumbling noise in his throat. “I read them before I called. I figured I’d get all caught up so we wouldn’t waste time."

Maybe I was just being too sensitive but his comment about wasting time scratched at me. Like writing me an email or talking to me for five minutes longer once every other month was a hassle. Like what Sonny was doing—taking time off from work and traveling around the country—wasn't a waste in its own way. I bit back the smart ass comment that floated into my vocal chords and tried to appreciate the fact that I had him on the phone finally.

“Are you still staying with Sonny?”

I needed to quit being a baby. “I was, but he had to take a little vacation so I'm staying with a friend until he comes back," I explained to him vaguely, suddenly not in the mood to really share with him more than I needed to. What was the point? Why had I been fighting Will growing up and moving on with his life, so much?

Will knew even less about the Widows than I did. Growing up, it was as if he'd just cut our dad out of his memory and life. Existing without him, while I'd been the one stuck with the memories and the wishes.

"Huh. I have leave coming up in a couple of months, are you gonna stay there?"

Where the hell else would I go? "I'll be here."

The awkward silence that followed left me feeling weird. Since when had talking to Will been a strain? Was this what Sonny and I sounded like when we talked on the phone? No way. Speaking of Sonny... "Hey, umm..." I really didn't want to tell him. A part of me genuinely didn't think he'd care but that was the difference between us again. Will liked Sonny enough but then again, did he even like me now? I didn't want to answer that.

The point was, he deserved to know so that it wouldn't the same situation I found myself in with Sonny. "Dad had another kid." Shit. That wasn't exactly the way I wanted to blurt it out.