“Yes. You absolutely can, but you can’t blame yourself for not being able to succeed every time—not for anything that happened with your sister or anything that may happen in the future to someone else. We don’t have control over others’ actions, no matter how hard we try.”

“Of course. I know that. And I have a long way to go, right? Before anyone can trust me with their mental health?”

“You’re a strong person, and you have a lot of personal experience dealing with mental health issues from the people around you. So I’d say that’s a huge advantage over most people going into the field.”

“Wish that weren’t the case, but it’s true.” I stared off. “I’m sorry…this night has taken a dark turn, hasn’t it?”

“We’re eating a Poltergeist cake. It fits the mood,” he said.

“That’s true.”

“Hey, have you ever considered becoming a writer?”

“Not as a career, but I’ve dabbled in it. Why do you ask?”

“No reason. I just have a feeling you might be good at it.”

Hmm.

Strange.

Noah looked down at his plate and played with the remnants of his frosting. It seemed like he had something on his mind.

Finally, he said, “I found out today that Olivia’s pregnant.”

Wow. His ex-wife is having a baby.

“That’s pretty big news…”

“Yeah.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“She and her husband had been trying for a while. I’m happy for her.”

I wasn’t sure I believed him. “Really?”

“Yeah…really.”

“But it must be weird.”

“It’s a little surreal, but not in a way that takes away my happiness for her. It’s a lesson that life moves on with or without you, a reminder that I should probably figure out my own life at some point.”

“Do you want kids?”

Noah sighed. “I wasn’t a very good husband, not sure I’d be any better as a father.”

I shook my head. I knew in my heart he was wrong. You know how sometimes you can see things in other people that they can’t see in themselves?

“I absolutely beg to differ,” I told him.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yes. You’ve taught me so much about believing in myself and about the world. You’ve lived a diverse life, and you have a lot to offer a child from your experiences. And you’re protective. Plus, you know how I really know you’d be a good dad?”

“How?”

“It’s how you treat the guinea pigs, feeding them with chopsticks and always making sure they have enough water and hay. You make sure they each get an equal amount of food. Also, how you treat Teddy. He can be really overbearing sometimes, not to mention he’s super big. Yet you let him climb all over you, slobber on you, because you know it makes him happy.”

He chuckled. “I don’t do anything. I don’t know why he likes me so damn much.”

“I can relate to how he feels.”

Shit.

Noah stared at me, eyes wide.

Quick. Say something to distract. I cleared my throat. “So…I sort of have a date next weekend.”CHAPTER FOURTEEN* * *NOAHMy mood went from hot to cold in an instant.

“Oh, yeah?” I said, trying to seem calm about it even as I felt sick to my stomach. “With who?”

It didn’t matter what I told myself—my feelings, my reactions when it came to her didn’t lie. I wondered which shade of green I was turning.

“This guy Jared I went to high school with. He’s in town for the summer because his father is sick. He goes to Harvard.”

“Harvard…pretty impressive.”

“Yeah. Neuroscience major. So clearly we have a lot in common.” She rolled her eyes.

It was getting hotter in here by the second.

“You like him?” I braced for her answer.

“Well, he’s attractive and nice. But I don’t know him too well. We weren’t really in the same crowd in high school. I was always with Eric—who wouldn’t have liked me hanging out with Jared.”

I swallowed. “He’s picking you up here?”

“Yes. Why?”

“I might want to check him out, make sure he’s legit.”

“No. You’ll scare him away. Either that or I’ll have to explain you to him, which won’t be easy.”

“That is easy. You tell him, this is my friend and bodyguard, Noah. He’ll kick your ass if you do anything to hurt me.”

She laughed. “Bodyguard?”

“Sure, why not?”

“I don’t think saying that will go over real well.”

“Is he a big dude?”

“Not as big as you.”

“Perfect, then.” I chuckled. “I’m kidding. I won’t embarrass you in front of your little friend.”

This whole thing felt like a test. It was the first time she’d be going out on a date since the time she’d gone out with her ex. I didn’t remember feeling like this, like I wanted to kill someone. Anyway, this was my problem, not hers.

Then, I pulled something I had no right to pull. For completely selfish reasons, I asked, “You sure you should be getting involved with someone who’s gonna be leaving soon?”

You’re a dick, Noah.

“Well, actually, I was thinking it might be perfect—no strings—since I can’t do anything serious right now, either.” She shrugged. “I’m leaving, too, so…”