I nod my head, feeling the weight of everything and how it all seems heavier for some reason. Knowing how unjust it is. That a select few have already decided the fate of the case.

I’m a hypocrite, because it’s what I did when I saw that look in Anderson’s eyes. The smile on his face as I left his office. I did the same. His fate was sealed. Even a glance at the photograph on his desk didn’t stop me.

I saw her. I knew he was married. I knew she was his. I told myself I didn’t care and that it didn’t matter. He had to die.

It’s that overwhelming feeling of power that made the first domino tip as I turned my back on him, knowing his fate was decided.

“Thank you, Mr. Millard,” I say and turn away from the station, away from him and toward the crowded streets of the city.

I didn’t know how the other dominoes would fall. And the judge and the lawyers, they have no idea either. So many pieces tumbled over. So many lives affected.

There’s only one who matters to me.

Only one I need to keep safe.

Her piece is bound to fall if I touch her. I almost ruined her once. I won’t do it again.

I was never any good for her. I should have stayed away if I loved her, and I think I did even all that time ago. I think I loved her before I ever heard that sweet laugh. Before I saw her gorgeous lips and that sadness in her beautiful doe eyes that she hid from everyone but me. I think I loved her even then.

And I should have stayed far away.

Jules

They say if you love someone, you should let them go.

That’s all I keep thinking over and over as I stare out the windows of the penthouse, staring blankly at the city skyline. Mason’s been out for over twenty-four hours now. I knew the second he walked out, and I waited. And waited. I owe him and all I can think is that if I send him a message, I’m going to beg him for even more. That’s not fair and that’s not right.

I swallow thickly, and my dry throat sends a spike of pain running through me. Or maybe it’s my heart. I’m not sure which. I shake my head, turning abruptly and walk over to the kitchen to fix myself some coffee. If he wanted to speak to me, he would have come or he would have called. The fact is, he doesn’t want me. Why did it take me this long to realize that wanting him and loving him wasn’t enough?

He hasn’t called, hasn’t sent a text. I take a steadying breath, balancing myself on a padded barstool at the island counter and then gripping the hot mug of coffee with both hands. The ceramic mug has veins of gold running through the thick cream pottery. I focus on it and drift my finger over the raised texture remembering how he used to trail his fingers down my lips before kissing me.

Everything is a reminder of him and it hurts. I let my head fall back to exhale before taking a slow sip of the coffee. It’s worse than death because I could have him. It could be different… He’s right there.

I keep thinking he’s merely let me go because he loves me. They say if you love someone, you should let them go. Maybe that’s what I should do. I should let him go.

But isn’t it done with? Isn’t it over? The ending is so much different from what I envisioned. I will take this one where there is hope, over anything else. I want a chance.

The truth is, if Mason loved me, he’d be here. If he wanted me, he’d take me. That’s the kind of man he is.

“If you want to go to his house…” Maddie says gently from the seat next to me, moving her hand to my thigh. She hasn’t left my side since last night when the girls came over. When Kat told me Mason had been released from custody and I had waited for him to show, and he never did. After the first hour, I started to worry. After several hours, it was hard not to assume the worst. I’m glad my friends were here with me instead. I still don’t know when I’ll be able to return to my condo. The police say it’s a crime scene, and that means it’s off-limits in the meantime. I should message him… I should message Mason and let him know that. Shouldn’t I? He should know that I’m still here in this penthouse when he’s the one who’s footing the bill.

“Maddie, please.” Kat’s patience is waning thin with a restless Maddie who won’t stop asking questions. I’m grateful for the distraction, though.

Kat’s sitting at the dining room table and Sue went to work. She didn’t want to, but I insisted.

“There’s nothing wrong with going after what you want,” Maddie says, finishing her suggestion.

I glance from her to Kat, who’s gently nodding her head. “That’s true,” she whispers. Both of them stare at me as if I’m broken. Like this is the one thing over the last year that has managed to finally destroy me.

I’ve lost a husband, then fell in love with his murderer. I’ve been held against my will, killed a man out of anger and another out of fear for my life.

Yet here I sit, worried about the man who brought all of this chaos in my life.

Worried he doesn’t want me. Worried I can never have him again. Worried I’ll never love anyone or be loved by anyone like him.

The mug clinks as I set it down on the counter, pushing it away to rest my face in my hands. The granite’s cold on my elbows, but everything today has been brutally cold. I should be used to it by now.

Shifting on the stool next to me, Maddie gently rubs my back in soothing strokes, making the cotton blouse travel slightly up and down my back as she shushes me.

The padding of Kat’s feet are muted by her socks when she gets up to sit by us too. She takes a seat alongside us at the island with me sitting between her and Maddie.

“Hey, it’s okay. He didn’t do it,” Kat says in such a tender voice. It only makes the pain in my chest grow.

I didn’t tell them a word, and I never will. They’ll never know any of this truth. Not if I can help it.

“I know,” I say and my voice cracks as I agree. I clear my throat and stare straight ahead, pushing the hair out of my face and ignoring both sets of their questioning eyes on me.

I can see myself in the reflection of the steel fridge, but it’s not quite me, it’s something else. Some different version that stares back, distorted. Perception is what’s changed my life. It could have gone on and on with me not knowing a damn thing, only seeing what they wanted me to, and then none of this would have ever happened.

“He didn’t do it,” I say in a stronger voice, swallowing the lump in my throat.

“Why don’t you call him maybe?” Maddie offers.

I have to drop my gaze. I can’t look them in the eyes and lie. “I don’t think he wants me to,” I answer honestly, staring fixedly at the granite countertops.

“You’re wrong, Jules.” Kat’s voice comes out harsher than I expected as she speaks, and I grip the edge of the counter to turn my body on the stool and face her. “Of course he loves you. That’s more than obvious.”

“You don’t understand,” I tell her even though I already know there’s no convincing her. Kat’s stubborn. She stares at me, waiting for an explanation. My eyes flicker to Maddie’s, both of them waiting impatiently. I settle for a partial truth. “He said he loves me.” I clear my throat and look past Kat. “I didn’t say it back,” I add. “The last time I saw him, I didn’t say it back.”