“I’m so sorry,” I offer Jacob who keeps a surprised smile on his face, as if it didn’t bother him in the least.

“You fucked—”

“Stop it!” I scream again, and this time my voice feels raw and it pains me to scream. My body’s hot and shaking, adrenaline coursing through my blood as my heart races.

“Get out of here,” I say as I usher Jacob away. His eyes flash with something, perhaps disbelief.

“You’re cheating on me,” Evan says it as if it’s a question, his nostrils flaring and his hands still clenched into fists.

“You’re an idiot,” I say, keeping my voice low, apologizing again to Jacob and feeling the heat of embarrassment.

“It was a sucker punch,” Jake says loud enough for Evan to hear. “And no, I didn’t sleep with Kat.” He looks Evan dead in the eye with the last line.

Embarrassment and horror wrap themselves tight around me as Jake leaves.

With my throat tight and arms crossed, I face Evan and say, “I’m not the one keeping secrets, you fucking asshole. He’s a client and nothing more.” My gaze almost shifts away from him. I know there was something, a chemistry that kindled between Jacob and me. A tension that I wanted to push. But it’s only because I was hurting, and I never submitted to the temptation. I couldn’t hurt Evan like that. I never would.

“What is wrong with you?” My question is dripping with nothing but disdain. For a moment I think of all the questions on the tip of my tongue, asking him why he’s doing it and when he turned into this man. But this is the man I married. I’m the one who’s changed. Not him.

Evan takes a step forward and his hand raises to my shoulder. I smack him away, barely feeling his hot skin against mine. “Don’t touch me,” I yell at him. My hand stings from the impact and I can’t stand it.

I can’t stand what we’ve become.

Evan’s shoulders rise and fall steadily.

“Kat,” he says and his voice cracks, like my name strangles him as he whispers it again. He takes a hesitant step forward, raising his arms and the blood from his torn knuckles is all I can see.

“What were you thinking?” I can barely ask him. Evan’s expression falls and he looks past me. It’s only then that I turn and see that Jake is gone. “What’s wrong with you?”

“What was he doing here?”

“I’ve never cheated on you, and I wouldn’t. Ever. Evan, I can’t deal with this. The partying and what you’re doing. Punching people for no damn good reason!”

“I quit, Kat. And you sure as hell know what it looked like. If he didn’t fuck you, he wanted to.”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I came to tell you everything,” he says and his admission changes the tension in an instant. The evening is seemingly colder in the blink of an eye.

“I might … I might have some things happen.” He closes his eyes and moves his hands to his hair. Hands with split knuckles and traces of blood.

Was he always like this? I want to hold and comfort him. But it’s no use.

“I was stupid.”

“Evan, you’ve had years to be stupid. Years of me begging you to grow up.” Every word hurts more and more. I know I’m not going to give him what he needs. I can’t anymore.

“I wanted you to be my partner.” I whisper the words, my voice laced with disappointment.

“I thought that’s what we were.”

“I need someone who’s ready for the next stage of life.” I barely get the words out as my throat dries and closes, threatening to suffocate me. But I finish the thought, making my heart split into two as I look deep into Evan’s eyes and tell him, “Or no one at all.”

“Kat,” Evan says, whispering my name as if it’s a threat. One against him. Or maybe it’s a plea. “I’m sorry, okay?”

My head shakes and the words won’t come out.

“I’m sorry I hit him, it looked bad at first. It looked like something else to me, but even then I shouldn’t have hit him.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.”

“It was shitty of me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he says and I believe him. But it’s not enough. He’s still the same Evan.

I wipe the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand as I shake my head. “I can’t do this anymore.” It’s the truth and even though it’s the worst pain that I’ve felt in my entire life, I know it needs to be done. “I will be better on my own.”

“Don’t say that,” Evan pleads, but he stands there not moving, his hands by his side and his body stiff with disbelief. Or maybe fear. “I can’t lose you,” he says. I feel like my heart is breaking, but I shake my head.

“Maybe I should just be alone.” My eyes burn with more tears as I shake my head again and say, “No, I need to. I need to be alone. I’m sorry,” my voice fails me as I whisper the apology. I hate hurting him; I can’t stand the pain in his eyes and expression. He doesn’t try to hide it in the least, and it shreds me.

But we’re just not meant for each other, not with the lives we’re leading.

“I love you.”

“Love isn’t enough!” I yell and hate myself. I truly do. “It’s not enough anymore,” I say, steadying my voice although it’s still low. I cross my arms and try to keep myself together, I try to hold my body upright although it begs me to collapse.

“Is that what you want?”

“I want a divorce,” I say the lie in a single breath. The words all come out at once, bunched together and needing to be said, to be heard. To be felt to the very core of who Evan is.

My fingertips dig into my forearms as I slowly raise my eyes to his and the conviction wavers.

He doesn’t speak, although his lips part once and then again. He licks them as his brow furrows and he visibly swallows then looks past me at the empty wall. Again he starts to say something but stops, clasping and unclasping his hands and trying to find some way to tell me what he’s thinking.

The worst part is that I want him to say something. I need him to give me something to hold on to him.

I’d go mad waiting to hear him tell me he’ll make this right. For him I’d fall again, I know I would. There isn’t enough strength in my body to keep me from Evan.

But he doesn’t say a word; he never does when I need him to.

It takes a long moment. Each second my heart beats, the steady sound is all I can hear. And then he turns his back to me and walks away without saying another word.

My body is freezing as I slowly turn from the hall and head toward our door. I can’t breathe, but somehow I am. I can’t manage a thought, but my mind is whirling with the image of what just happened.

The way he spoke my name like he needed me. The way his voice was laced with desperation and his eyes shined with determination, but then failure. The way his expression crumbled when he realized he lost me.

I don’t stop walking until I get back to our bedroom, barely glancing at the unmade bed and remembering the last time we shared it and everything about that night. I can still feel his lips on my neck, his hands traveling ever so slowly down my body as he whispered how much he loves me. And I believe the sentiment. No one has ever loved me like Evan, and no one else ever will.