Chapter One

~Rachel~

I loved him. I hated him. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to strangle him. I was a walking, talking contradiction. There were days I was so torn by my conflicting emotions that I thought I would be ripped in half. Staring at my best friend and secret object of my undying love, I wondered if I would ever get off this crazy train of emotions swirling around inside me. I didn't like feeling this way. But the truth was I couldn’t remember a time I didn’t feel this aching need to completely immerse myself in all things Daniel Lowe.

And he had no idea. That was the tragedy of it all. Here I was, miserably in love with him and he had no flipping clue. But Maggie knew. She saw right through my carefully constructed facade to the beating heart inside my broken chest.

“He’s an idiot. Ignore him,” Maggie told me softly as I watched Danny, yet again, go after Kylie Good, his annoying girlfriend who was currently mad at him about something. I detested that anyone could see how much Daniel’s ignorance bothered me. But it was Maggie and if anyone could be trusted with these traitorous emotions, it was her.

“I know. Ignoring in progress.” I gave Maggie my best, could-care-less smile and tried to force down the rest of my lunch. Maggie was looking at me with that sympathetic way of hers that was both appreciated and one hundred percent annoying. Not that I would ever tell her that.

“So, have you talked anymore to Clay?” I asked her, hoping to move the conversation effectively away from my non-existent love life. I watched as Maggie started to blush. Wow, Maggie May Young was bright red. And over a boy too! I never thought I’d see that happening.

“No. I haven’t seen him around,” she replied but I could see by her face that it wasn’t for lack of trying. Mags was hopelessly crushing on Clayton Reed, the new boy at Jackson. He was in my creative writing class and I personally thought he was a little strange. But he was hot, so I tried to reserve judgment.

Maggie started telling me about some movie she wanted to go see, but I wasn’t paying attention. My eyes were fixed on Danny; his arm slung over Kylie’s shoulders, as he leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips. I guess they had made up. They always made up. And I was always left with feeling as though my heart were being ripped out of my chest so he could do a tap dance on it.

My eyes started to burn and I squeezed them shut so I wouldn’t cry. I had known Daniel my entire life. He and Maggie had been my best friends since infancy. Most of my memories included them in one shape or form.

I think I was five when I first realized I sort of loved him. A boy in our kindergarten class had just pushed me down and taken my jump rope. I remember sitting in the mud on the playground crying while Maggie held my hand and cried along with me.

Daniel, who at the time hadn't hit any sort of growth spurt and was mercilessly teased for his “girly” crop of unruly blond curls, had dropped the football he was playing with and took off after the boy and my jump rope. He had knocked the kid down and punched him. The teacher had run over and pulled Daniel off the other boy. Our entire class racing over to see what had happened.

Daniel’s face had been grubby and his shirt torn from the scuffle, but he wore a big smile on his face. And as the teacher led him off to the principal’s office, he had held the jump rope out for me to take.

Daniel Lowe. My savior. My perfect guy. The boy who would never love me the way that I loved him.

Kylie Good would never be good enough for him. No girl in the world ever would be. Maggie complained that I held Daniel up on some sort of pedestal. I really didn’t. I just chose to focus on the beautiful and caring boy underneath the image he had carefully constructed over the years.

The boy who had fought to get my jump rope back. Even if I saw that boy less and less now that we were older. I refused to forget about him. And every once in a while, I still saw him there, beneath everything.

“I heard that Carl Feldman was thinking of asking you out. That's the rumor anyway,” Maggie was saying as I continued to stare at Danny and Kylie, who were still spending way too much time exploring each other's mouths.

I blinked, coming back to the conversation. “Carl Feldman?” I asked, wondering if I had heard her correctly. “Seriously? Carl I wear my pants too tight Feldman? Why do you think I would care about that particular piece of information?” I asked her, balling my trash up into a pile on the table.

Maggie flicked her straw paper in my direction. “Come on. Carl is kinda cute. And if he likes you, I say go for it!” She made a funny harrumph sound and picked up her lunch tray. I looked at her suspiciously. Since when did she voice any sort of preference when it came to my love life? That wasn’t Maggie at all. She could give a crap about anything resembling dating and relationships. I often worried that life was going to slip her by without her even knowing it.

So her suggestion put me immediately on edge. I tossed my trash in the garbage can and followed her into the hallway. “Okay, why the sudden interest in who I date? Spill!” I told her, as we reached her locker.

Maggie groaned as she pulled her books out. “Why do I have to have some sort of ulterior motive? Is it wrong to want to see my bestie happy?” Okay, now I was really concerned. She never used the term “bestie.” She hated it and threatened to gouge my eyes out if I ever spoke it in her presence. I glared at her, putting steel into my eyes. Too bad I couldn't look threatening if I tried. Instead of being intimidated, Maggie laughed.

“Ohh. Scary,”she teased.