The Teaching Hours Page 1



My roommate Skylar and her boyfriend Abe make me ill.

Oh calm down, I’m just being dramatic. They don’t actually make me sick in a vomit inducing, I’m going to puke kind of a way. Just…the kind of ill fueled by jealously. The kind of ill that makes me want the same thing for myself. A jealous, I want that, kind of feeling in the pit of my stomach when they’re around the apartment.

I want what they have.

It’s too damn bad I act like such an asshole half of the time.

Guys hate that.

They want sweet. Biddable. Sexy.

They want someone to adore them.

That’s not me; I am none of those things.

Fiddling with my phone, I tap open the LoveU app—the on-campus date finder for students. LoveU is the way my best friend met her boyfriend and how I like to pass time when I’m bored. I don’t like to take it too seriously; I’ve seen some of the guys my friends have matched with and have only been impressed with one.

But, it passes the time when I’m bored, and I’m bored now.

I swipe and swipe and swipe left, deleting profile after profile.

It’s not my first experience with the app; I’ve been on a few dates lately with guys I’ve matched with. But I haven’t had any luck, obviously—my mouth and sassy attitude get me in trouble and very few second dates.

Rex Gunderson:

Yo yo yo ladies, I’m an alum, back in town for the next few semesters pitching in at the athletic building and wouldn’t mind your company. A few things about me: fun-cle to a baby girl (she’s not actually my niece, but who cares). Hilarious. Big boy job. Has my own place. Loves fancy shit, but prefer to do them in my sweats or pajama’s.

You: are legal and over the age of 18.

The yo, yo, yo catches my eye. But the rest of it? All this guy is looking for is someone over the age of eighteen? I let out a huff.

“Have some standards, dude, even if you’re just looking for a hook-up.” I shake my head in disgust, muttering out loud to myself, a habit I’m unable to break.


I give him a second glace, studying his pictures. He is kind of attractive…in a skinny, dorky guy kind of way.

I bite down on my bottom lip and swipe, knowing I’ll probably regret it later. Shoot him a message because there is nothing worse than waiting for a guy to make the first move.

Me: You love fancy shit, huh? What kind are you talking about here…? Inquiring minds want to know.

RexG: You know, the usual. Dinner, bars. Play a round of golf or two.

Me: In your sweat pants?

RexG: No, I wear real pants for that.

Me: Khakis?

RexG: No one wears khakis anymore.

Me: Sure they do, I saw some yesterday.

RexG: Who was wearing them?

Me: My Lit professor.

RexG: I rest my case.

Me: So, I’m just going to come out and ask or it’s going to drive me insane.

RexG: Go for it.

Me: What are you doing on this app if you’re an “alum”.

RexG: Why is “alum” in quotes? “Alums” can’t be on here?

Me: I guess if you are desperate…Aren’t you a little old to be fishing in the school kiddie pond?

RexG: I barely just graduated. Why you gotta be like that?

Me: I had to get it off my chest.

RexG: I was checking out your chest earlier. Very impressive.

Me: Uh, gross. Stop, don’t even go there.

RexG: Uh, why?

Me: You can’t just say things like that. It’s douchey.

RexG: Funny you should mention that. I never said I was a gentleman.

Me: You look like one. Kind of?

Me: Actually you look like a huge dork.

RexG: How about you just kick me in the nuts and get it over with.

RexG: And FOR THE RECORD I’m not photogenic and am WAY BETTER LOOKING IN PERSON.

Me: Says who?

RexG: MY FUCKING MOTHER, Jesus lady.

Me: Shit, I’m sorry. I have no filter—I wasn’t trying to be a bitch.

RexG: Whatever, it’s fine.

Me: I suppose you’re going to unmatch me now?

RexG: Why would I do that?

Me: Because I’m being an asshole—WHY WOULDN’T YOU UNMATCH ME?

RexG: First of all, why are you yelling?

Me: Have some standards. All you have in your profile is that you’re looking for someone over the age of 18. WTH.

RexG: Age ain’t nothin’ but a numba.

Me: So…what are you actually doing here if you’re not a student? Are you a TA?

RexG: No, I’m helping out with the athletics department. Mostly with the wrestling team. I used to be their manager.

Me: My roommate’s boyfriend is a wrestler. Maybe you know him?

RexG: What’s his name?

Me: Abe Davis.

RexG: He was a freshman I think the year I left the team. Don’t know him that well. He decent?

Me: He’s awesome.

RexG: Cool.

Me: So you’re on campus for how long?

RexG: Rest of this semester, summer, first term of fall.

Me: And you’re looking to hook-up with someone?

RexG: Sure. If that’s what you want.

Me: It’s not.

RexG: Okay.

Me: That’s it? Okay? You’re not going to try and change my mind?

RexG: Do you want me to?

Me: Uh, NO.

RexG: LOL then I won’t.

Me: It’s really shitty that you’re just here looking to get laid. Some of us are looking for the real deal.

RexG: I never said all I wanted was an easy lay. You did.