“We were talking, just like last time,” Hanna says.

He rolls his eyes. “Uh-huh. You know, if you two are hooking up, can you please keep it on the downlow and keep me out of it? Like King’s family isn’t messed up enough as it is without you two making him and Queenie stepbrother and sister.”

And with that he turns around and stalks off.

Hanna’s eyes go wide with horror. “Oh my God, Jake. What the hell are we going to tell the kids?”

CHAPTER TEN

What’s the Plan?

Hanna

THE NEXT HALF hour is the longest of my life. To say Jake’s reaction is not what I anticipated would be an understatement. I didn’t think he’d jump for joy, but I also didn’t expect . . . that. Or maybe I’m hypersensitive. I don’t know. But it makes the time between telling him and leaving the bar tense.

“You okay?” Ryan slings his arm over my shoulders and pulls me into his side. In his other hand is a White Russian.

The thought of dairy makes my stomach turn, which is sad because I usually love all things dairy. Especially ice cream. “Yeah, just tired. You know how I am about flying. Nothing a good night’s sleep won’t cure.” I hate that I’m lying to him. Still. Again. But I can’t stand the idea of ruining Queenie’s birthday with this kind of news. Not that it’s bad news, exactly. It’s just a shocker is all.

“You don’t have to drag yourself through to the end of the night. We’ll see you in the morning anyway. And you’re not flying out until later, right?”

“Late afternoon.” And I won’t get home until after midnight, but Monday is a work from home day and I’ve made sure all my phone meetings are scheduled in the afternoon, so I can sleep off the jet lag.

“We can get in some quality time over brunch. And I’ll drive you to the airport.” Ryan smiles down at me. He’s definitely tipsy. He doesn’t drink very often, and when he does, it’s usually dairy-based drinks that taste more like a milkshake than an alcoholic beverage.

“Okay. That sounds great.” I give him a kiss on the cheek and say my goodnight to the girls, quietly thanking Lainey, Stevie, and Violet for their help today and wishing Queenie a happy birthday. Jake uses my leaving as an excuse to take off as well, and we head out to the parking lot together, Jake calling us an Uber.

As soon as I’m in the car, I wilt. I’m beyond exhausted. My brain is a foggy mess, and I have no idea what kind of conversation to expect tonight. I dropped one hell of a bomb on Jake, not to mention myself. Everything was different when we were just sleeping together, having a bit of fun. Now our lives are irrevocably intertwined in a new way. No matter what happens, whether this baby happens, our relationship will never be the same as it was.

“How are you?” Jake asks. The ride has been pretty quiet so far, mostly because this isn’t a conversation either of us would like to have in the presence of Jett, the Uber driver with the bad haircut and terrible taste in music.

I shrug. “I’ve been better and I’ve been worse.” Reality is setting in and it scares the hell out of me. I don’t know whether I should feel any excitement at this point. There’s a part of me that’s really overjoyed, but that’s being stepped on by all my worry now.

He leans in, his lips at my ear, dropping his voice to a whisper, “Should we stop at a CVS on the way home? Should you take another test to make sure?”

I shake my head, then turn and tip my chin up as he bends so his ear is at my mouth. My nose brushes his cheek and I breathe in his cologne. Even as stressed as I am, my body warms to his proximity. “There’s no point in me taking another test. It’s rare to get a false positive when it comes to pregnancy tests. Either the hormone is there or it isn’t.”

“Oh.” He backs up, looking…stunned maybe. “I didn’t know that.”

I remind myself that it’s been a lot of years since either of us has done this. And he wasn’t the one taking the test.

I’m grateful the ride to Ryan’s isn’t long. As soon as we’re out of the car and inside the house, I turn to him. “Like I said before, I don’t expect anything from you.”

He tucks his hand into his pocket and his lips mash into a line. “I raised a daughter on my own, I’m not about to shirk my responsibilities this time around. I’m just trying to get my head around it, that’s all, Hanna.” He blows out a breath. “I’m not trying to be a dick. But we’re both in our forties. Last time I was thirty with a teenager, this time I’m going to be sixty. It’s a bit of a mindfuck.”

I haven’t thought much past the shock of this to consider what it will be like to care for a baby at my age, let alone a teenager when I should be considering retirement. My head is spinning. “That’s if this pregnancy goes to term. The chances of a miscarriage are a lot higher.” I need to keep myself grounded and keep my expectations low.

I tap my lips with my fingers, trying to get a handle on my emotions and my anxiety level. I head for the kitchen. I need . . . something in my hands so I don’t chew my nails down to stubs. “And I’ve miscarried before, so that increases my odds of having it happen again.” It was such an emotional blow. One I struggled to recover from for months.

Jake follows me, eyes wide. “You miscarried before? When did that happen?”

“When I was forty-one.”

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

“It’s really not something I talk about.” Especially not with the guy I’ve been having a clandestine relationship of sorts with.

He rounds the island and comes to stand beside me. “We probably should. Even though I’m sure it’s difficult.”

I nod and look out the window, into the backyard where string lights hang over the outdoor dining area. “I’d basically given up on the idea of having my own baby at that point. Gordon and I had been trying for so long, with no success. I said I was done with the fertility treatments and the doctor appointments. I couldn’t handle any more disappointment. I stopped keeping track of periods because they’d started to get all wonky anyway. One day I went to the grocery store and I had these awful cramps. The kind that took me to my knees. I was nine weeks.” I blow out a breath. “I was devastated. I’d been pregnant and I hadn’t even known. Again. It was too much emotionally to handle something like that again.”

Jake rubs his bottom lip, and his eyes are sad. “I’m so sorry, Hanna. I can’t even imagine how hard it was for you.”

I give him a small smile. It’s always strange, the feeling like I need to console the other person or protect them from my pain. “Me, too.” It was the beginning of the end for Gordon and me. He couldn’t understand my grief. He’d suggested adoption, and I hadn’t been opposed, but we’d had friends who had gone down that path and faced horrible disappointment when the mother decided at the last minute to keep the baby. Their hearts had been so broken, and I couldn’t fathom any more loss.

It had been a dark time in my life. My mom had been there to support me, and so had Paxton. And, of course, Ryan. But I’d taken it much harder than I expected. I shut down for a while and decided I couldn’t go through it again. Except now I am. “So, when I tell you that I don’t expect anything from you, Jake, I mean it. Neither of us meant for this to happen, but this is my very last chance to have a baby of my own. I’m very aware that it’s risky for the baby and me, but I didn’t think I’d get another shot at being a mom, and now I’m being given one.”