He leans against the counter, his expression pained, but it’s hard to get a read on him. “I see why you want to go through with this.”

I feel like I’m about to start crying again, which isn’t going to be helpful to this conversation. So, I shift gears. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“Why don’t you have a seat, and I can get you something instead?”

“I’m pregnant, not an invalid, Jake.”

“I know. I’m just trying to be helpful.” He moves to the cupboards and pulls out two glasses. Of course, he knows where everything is here. He has dinner with Ryan and Queenie once a week. Queenie is incredibly close to her dad, and Jake and Ryan get along really well. I hope this doesn’t change that. At least not in the long term.

Jake opens the fridge. There are three gallons of milk—not a surprise—and pressed organic orange juice, as well as sparkling water. “I’m guessing you’re going to pass on the milk.” At least one of us still has their sense of humor intact.

I smile. “Water is fine.”

“Are you hungry? You didn’t eat much at dinner,” Jake asks as he passes me the glass of water.

“Thank you.” I take a sip. “How do you know I didn’t eat much at dinner?”

He shrugs, his expression sheepish. “I might have been watching you.”

I duck my head. I wish things weren’t so complicated. Ironic that I can long for the days when the hardest thing to contend with was not giving in and sleeping with Jake again. “I’m sorry that it seemed like I was dodging you. I would have called you this afternoon, but I honestly didn’t want to ruin your day.”

“You didn’t ruin my day, Hanna.” His voice is flat, though, and it sounds more like lip service than anything.

I give him a disbelieving look. “I don’t think either of us started today and ever once thought ‘Hey, wouldn’t it be awesome if I found out I was going to have a child again.’”

He sighs. “It’s definitely a surprise.”

I don’t know what I expect from him, but this apathy isn’t it. I guess it’s better than how things went when I was a teen and my ex-boyfriend was insistent I get rid of the baby, and then he accused me of trying to tie him down. “I’m going to change into something more comfortable. Then we can talk this out.”

I leave Jake in the living room while I change into a pair of leggings and an oversized shirt. I’m about done with jeans and anything that isn’t comfortable and non-restrictive. At least now I know why my pants have been fitting snugger these days. Jake is sitting on the couch when I return. He’s still wearing dress pants, a button-down, and a tie, but it hangs loose around his neck and the top two buttons are undone.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I ask.

“That this morning I was looking forward to celebrating my daughter’s birthday and hoping things weren’t going to be too strained between us.” He picks a pen up off the coffee table and flips it between his fingers.

“I wasn’t sure how easy it would be to be around you and not end up in bed with you.”

“I guess we know where our lack of restraint gets us.” Jake motions to my stomach. “At least this time the condoms really wouldn’t be necessary.”

I cringe and he sighs and shakes his head. “That came out wrong. I’m not trying to be a jerk with all the asshole comments and the shitty jokes, Hanna. I’m just…struggling here. Earlier I was talking to Alex about how soon Queenie and King will be starting a family and here you are, telling me that I’m back at square one. It’s going to take me more than an hour to get a handle on this.”

“I really don’t have expectations from you, Jake. But it wasn’t like not telling you was actually going to be an option. In a couple of months, it’s going to be pretty obvious what’s going on.” I rub my belly, trying to find a way to soothe myself. “You know, I looked it up and there’s literally a five percent chance that I can get pregnant at my age. Five percent. The odds were so slim.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to see a doctor tomorrow? Bill is our team physician, and while he doesn’t specialize in prenatal care, we could have another test. To be absolutely sure.”

I raise a hand to stop him. “I’m already sure. And I’d really rather see my doctor. I’m sure she’ll get me in right away, all things considered. She’ll want to do blood work and schedule an ultrasound to make sure everything is okay so far.”

“It’s a lot to think about, isn’t it?” Jake runs his hand through his hair.

“It is,” I agree.

“If you’re already at the twelve-week mark, the ultrasound should be soon, right?”

“I would assume she’ll want me to have one right away. And we’ll have to test for chromosomal abnormalities.”

He rubs the space between his eyes. “And if there are issues?”

“It really depends on what they find, if anything, to be honest. Finding out something is wrong with the baby isn’t necessarily the thing that scares me the most. It’s thinking everything is okay, and then suddenly they’re not. I’m even higher risk than I was last time, but I’m already past the twelve-week mark, so I’m willing to take the chance and hope things are going to be okay.”

He taps the edge of the couch. “How risky is this for you? Physically and emotionally, Hanna, how hard is this going to be on you if it doesn’t work out?”

I settle my palm over my stomach, not wanting to think about how painful it will be if this doesn’t go the way I want it to. “It’s happening, whether we like it or not. And I’m not terminating, not unless there’s no other option to protect the baby’s quality of life.”

“What about your quality of life?” he asks, voice cracking at the end.

“I’ll deal with whatever is thrown at me.”

“What are the medical risks in your forties? And even if everything goes smoothly, you’re talking about midnight feedings and dealing with a toddler. That’s a lot of energy with a partner, let alone trying to do it on your own, which, you’ve implied more than once is something you’re prepared to do.” His tone shifts again, and I can’t quite read it.

Is he angry about that, scared, frustrated? I don’t know enough about how things went with Queenie’s mother to understand how he’s feeling. All I know is that she left them when Queenie was an infant and Jake raised her on his own.

“Because I don’t want you to feel beholden to the baby or me.”

“How will I not feel that way at every damn family gathering we’re at together?” He runs both hands down his face. “I should have stopped and got a damn condom.”

I laugh in disbelief. “You know what? I don’t think this is a particularly productive conversation right now. I think we’re both tired and emotional, and I’m very close to saying things I’m probably going to regret in the morning. You should go home.”

“We need to figure out what we’re going to tell the kids.”

“Come back in the morning. We can talk then, but I’m done with this conversation and you tonight.” I push up off the couch.