“I don’t want you to resent me for it. I wanted what was best for you. For our family. For Ryan’s future,” she tells me, for what has to be the millionth time.

Our relationship will always be complicated. There’s no way around that. “I know that, too.”

“Knowing and believing are two different things.” Her voice is soft and her eyes are too-full glasses, ready to spill over.

“I believe you had all of our best interests in mind. And I also know you had to give up a lot in order to make it work. We all did. Especially me. I don’t think I understood how much that affected me until Ryan got married, and then I got pregnant.” I’m only doing more damage to our relationship if I can’t tell her the truth. “The part that was always the hardest for me was the fact you would never acknowledge that Ryan is truly my son and your grandson. I could pretend to be his sister all I wanted, but in my heart I knew who I really was, and I was never allowed to own that. The lying didn’t just hurt Ryan, it hurt me, too.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” She keeps twisting the napkin in her hands, turning it into confetti. “I made an even bigger mess when I tried to clean up the first one, didn’t I?”

“Your heart was in the right place, but things are so much different now.” It’s hard to see my mom looking so devastated, but we both need this, or things will never change. “He and I need a chance to figure out this new us, without worrying we’re hurting your feelings. Especially now that I have another baby on the way.”

“Is that why you’re moving to Seattle then? For Ryan? I’m worried about this baby and about you being so far from home. And how this is all going to work out. Your life and your family are here. In Tennessee.”

“Part of my life is here. But a very big part of it is in Seattle. And I need to make some compromises, because Jake has to stay in Seattle for his job.”

“But he could manage a different team. He could move to Tennessee instead.”

“We looked into that as an option, and it wasn’t the best choice. General managers don’t usually move around like the players do. And he’s already had to sacrifice one career so he could be a present father to Queenie. I won’t ask him to do that again.”

“What if Ryan gets traded? What will happen then?”

“He still has a few years left on his contract. And he’s one of the top goalies in the league, so if he wants to stay put, I’m sure he’ll be able to. Ryan is definitely one of the reasons I’m moving, but it’s more than that.”

“You need to get away from me?” Her voice is so small. It makes me want to hug her and shake her at the same time.

“No, Mom. It’s not to get away from you. This is about what’s best for the baby, Jake, and me. This situation isn’t ideal, and I realize that. I’m not perfect, and I make mistakes. Maybe it would have been better and easier for everyone if Jake and I hadn’t acted on our attraction for each other, but we did. And there are consequences for that. Ones we didn’t expect. But he is a good man and a great dad, and I can’t rob him of the opportunity to be a father to our child because of an awkward family dynamic or because I’m too scared to try to make it work.”

“I didn’t think about it that way.”

“Neither did I at first. At least not until Paxton pointed it out.”

“She’s a good friend, isn’t she?”

“She is. And I’m going to miss the hell out of her. And you. But I need to do this. I need to give Jake a chance to be a parent so our son can grow up knowing he has a mother and a father who love him.”

Mom squeezes my hand. “Your selflessness has always amazed me. You’re going to be a wonderful mother. You were amazing with Ryan, even if you didn’t get to bear the title the way you deserved to.”

I pull her into a tight hug and let the tears fall. I could blame it on hormones, but it’s more than that. It’s hearing those words and realizing, maybe for the first time in my life, that one of my biggest fears has always been not being good enough to be a mom. That my parents stepped in because they didn’t think I’d ever be capable of doing it on my own.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

This New Start

Hanna

PAXTON DRIVES ME to the airport the following Friday morning. Saying goodbye is hard. There are tears. A lot of them.

“Now I have a reason to use my vacation time for things other than staycations. I’ll come out and see you in a couple of weeks, once you’re settled in, okay?” She hugs me again for the tenth time.

She suggested coming with me to help me move in, but I’d rather have real time with her once I’m unpacked, so we decided to wait.

The moving truck is scheduled to arrive in Seattle this morning, and Jake is supervising the movers. They’re not only bringing all the boxes and furniture to my new two-bedroom house, they’re also unpacking for me. The only rooms they’ve been asked to hold off on are my bedroom and the bathroom. The bed and dresser can be set up, but I’ll unpack all of my clothes and other important bedroom items.

I could have easily stayed in Jake’s pool house, where Queenie used to live before she moved in with Ryan, but I felt it would be an easier transition for all of us if I got my own place first. That way we could have some time to date—if that’s what you call me passing out by nine while we watch Netflix—as we settle into our new normal.

I’d like to get my feet under me first. I’ve spent most of my life in small-town Tennessee, so I need time to get used to my new digs and a new city.

I land in Seattle in the early afternoon. It’s hard not to get all swoony the second I spot Jake at the airport, waiting for me. He’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt. The shirt looks like something Queenie might have bought for him. The sleeves are tight around his biceps and it reads BEER AND HOCKEY ARE MY JAM across his broad chest. A wide smile forms when he sees me, and his long legs eat up the distance between us. He pulls me into a tight hug and kisses his way across my cheek to my lips. He keeps it chaste, though, since we’re in a public place.

“You look beautiful as always. Let me take your bag. How was your flight?” He takes my suitcase and settles his palm on my lower back as we head for the exit.

“The flight was lovely. Thank you for upgrading my seat.” I booked economy, but when I got to the airport, I’d been moved to first class.

“I have a ridiculous number of air miles. It’s not a big deal. Do you need the restroom before we get in the car?”

“Oh. Yes. That’s probably a good idea.” I don’t remember the incessant need to pee being this bad with Ryan. Or the ridiculous thirst. It’s not ideal or convenient.

Jake waits for me outside the women’s restroom, and then we’re on our way to my house.

“I hope you don’t mind, but King and Queenie stopped by the house to help with some of the unpacking. I thought we could order takeout and have a meal together before they leave, but I understand if you’re tired and want some time on your own.”

“That sounds perfect, actually.” I haven’t seen Ryan in a few weeks, and although we talk regularly, it still feels like there’s a new distance between us that I’d like to work on bridging.