Then, as if realizing she shouldn’t let this happen, her hands fist and she shoves me an arm’s length away. Her chest rises and falls with exertion, matching the rhythm of mine.

“Forget me, Asher,” she whispers. “I don’t deserve whatever you’re doing for me.”

“Forget you?” I wrap my hand around her throat again. It doesn’t cut her air off this time; it’s only firm enough to keep her in place, to feel her pulse and know she’s indeed a human, not a robot. “You think that can happen with a snap of a finger? If I could, I would’ve done it ages ago.”

As quickly as her vulnerability showed, she tucks it away again and her cold self comes back to light, like ice that never melts.

“We’re toxic,” she says. “That’s all we are.”

“And it’s your fault, prom queen. The next time you let anyone touch you, I’ll fucking murder them.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me. You keep bringing out my ugly side, and I’m curious to see how far I’ll go.” I release her with a shove and stalk back to my room.

After I strip, I stand under the cold shower for more than twenty minutes, my cock hard and pulsing.

Every second, I fight the urge to barge into her room and fuck her while choking her. I don’t care how, I just have to fuck her, claim her, teach her she’s fucking mine.

Knowing Reina, she’ll only let me touch her if I rape her.

She’ll stay still as I finish like some fucking animal.

I’m not interested in that. I’m not interested in her cold shoulder and stiff attitude. I want her to scream my name, to writhe beneath me as I pound into her.

I want her to want me as much as I want her.

She’s been giving me fucking blue balls for years.

Shutting off the water, I wrap a towel around my waist and exit the bathroom. I bandage my wounds then don basketball shorts and a T-shirt before sitting on the balcony.

The night sky is bright with so many stars.

A long time ago, when we were twelve, I confessed to Reina how much I miss my mom. It was the first time I admitted it after her death.

When I was ten, I became responsible for Ari and myself. Alexander was useless. I had to be an adult too young, and over time, I always wanted to tell someone I missed my mom. That, sometimes, I looked at her picture and blamed her for leaving us with Alexander, and then I felt shitty about it.

The only person who knew that was Reina. It was nighttime and our fathers had some meeting, so we lay on our backs in the backyard and stared up.

Reina pointed at the stars and mentioned her dad said her mom is looking down at her from up there. She said it was stupid and she didn’t believe it. She told me I needed to take care of myself so when I meet my mom again, she’ll be proud of me.

Then, she held my hand and told me, “I want my mom to be proud of me when we meet again. I miss her, too.”

I think that was the moment I got caught in her trap and never managed to find a way out.

Reina wasn’t as closed off back then as she is now. She used to talk to me and tell me things. We used to be friends, best friends even.

The change began after our engagement. She started keeping her distance, as if she wasn’t supposed to be seen with me.

It’s become the worst since Gareth’s death. She let me hug her to sleep on the night of his funeral, just that one night, and in the morning, she turned into this unfeeling statue who acted like a robot.

Who antagonized me on purpose.

Avoided me on purpose.

A deep sigh rips from me as I stare at the stars. Just when did I lose that girl who held my hand? Can I even get her back now?

“Gray!”

My baby sister Ari barges onto the balcony, a wide grin on her face.

Fuck, I’ve been too preoccupied in my reverie; I didn’t notice her coming in.

Ari’s black hair is gathered on top of her head as her eyes glint. They’re light green and blue, a mixture of Mom’s and Alexander’s. Her face is so much like Mom, as if she’ll grow up to be her one day.

All the excitement vanishes from her face as she focuses on my hands.

Even though they’re bandaged, it’s clear they’re injured.

“Oh my God. What happened, Gray?”

Ari is the only one who calls me by my middle name. It started when we were young and she decided Asher was too hard. Besides, Mom named me Asher after our late grandfather, and Ari wasn’t a big fan of him.

“Practice.” I grin. “How was my favorite girl’s day?”

I don’t want to throw my shit on Ari. For her, I’m only supposed to be the brother she can rely on—unlike our father.

“Boring.” She sits opposite me. “And that can’t be from practice.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m worried about you.” She stares at her lap. “You’re the only one I have, and I feel like I’m losing you to your obsession with Reina.”

I freeze, my chest tightening with tension. Maybe I haven’t been discreet enough; maybe my moods are affecting Ari.

Fuck. Her therapist told us not to expose her to too much stress.

“It won’t happen anymore.” I soften my voice. “I’ll be cool.”

It’s a lie.

This thing won’t stop.

Call it an obsession, an addiction, or sheer insanity, but it just won’t stop.

It keeps pulsing under my skin like a fucking beast, destructive and deadly.

“I understand why you’re like that with her, you know.” She peeks at me before she focuses back on her nails, clinking them against one another.

It’s her nervous habit.

“Reina is special, but she doesn’t love anyone.” Her voice fills with sadness. “Not even you, Gray.”

My jaw tightens and I force it to loosen up.

Don’t affect Ari.

Don’t you dare affect Ari.

If she’s too stressed, she’ll just start doing stupid shit like walking in the night and crying out of nowhere.

We barely got her stabilized, with Reina’s help. We can’t go back to that phase.

“But you just can’t help it, right?” she asks slowly.

“I can.”

Her eyes light up. “You can?”

I would do anything to keep Ari happy. Fucking anything.

“Of course. I’m only with her because of Alexander and Gareth’s deal. Reina means fuck to me. I never even liked her that much.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” I lie through my teeth.

Ari needs to believe I’m keeping it together in order for her to follow through. She emulates me in everything, sometimes mood included.

“In that case…” She stares back at her lap. “I have a confession to make. You’re the first person I’m telling this, and…and…I-I don’t want you to judge me.”

She’s back to clinking her nails.

I force my gaze away from them and smile. “I’d never do that. I’m your Gray, remember? The cloud that protects you from everything.”

The clinking stops as she smiles up at me.

Even her smile is like Mom’s.

Soon after, she stares at her lap again. “When Reina came into our lives, she took care of me without asking for anything in return. It made me feel so grateful to have someone else besides you and Dad care for me. I thought…I thought only my family would ever love me, so when Reina did, it brought brightness to my life.”