“Where are we?” I asked as I checked my clothing. I was in a tank top and underwear. Note to self: keep the blankets over my legs. I looked around and realized we were in what seemed like a nice hotel room. There was a loveseat in the corner. A dresser. A desk. A nice television.

This was an actual hotel room.

I saw the blanket on the floor by the loveseat.

Raize raked a hand through his hair, his eyes tired, and went to the loveseat. He bent down, picked up the blanket, and stretched out. “Turn the lights off. Everyone go back to bed. I need at least one more hour of sleep before we hit the road.”

Cavers gestured to my arm. “I’ll check your bandage later today.”

I looked down. Right. Because I’d been shot.

He’d bandaged me before.

How long had I been sleeping?

Cavers stepped back into their room, but Jake remained in the doorway.

“You okay?” he asked me.

Warmth flowed through me, but then I remembered his phone call to Carloni.

“I’ll work her.”

I shoved that warmth right out of my ass and said flatly, “I’m fine.”

He frowned, but I rolled over, giving him my back as I pulled the blanket up.

The light turned off, and the door closed a beat later.

I thought I’d go back to sleep.

Yeah.

No.

Everything that had happened was rolling through my mind on replay. Gus’ growls. Shooting the gun. I watched myself from above as I shot the gun and turned away, then steeled myself and kept shooting.

Kept shooting.

Kept shooting…

I had killed two men.

Two. Men.

I’d been so foolish thinking I wouldn’t learn how to shoot, but I’d known that would happen once I did.

I had told Raize about my list. I’d even told him who was on the list. Not all, but enough.

God.

I’d messed up. Royally messed up.

“Do you need something?”

He sounded so tired, but my God—was he offering sex?

I growled, kicked off the blankets, and stalked to the bathroom. Or I assumed it was because there was nowhere else to go. I hit the counter, reached out to the right. Nothing. Was it a closet? A door? I turned on the sink by accident.

Raize never made a sound. He never made a goddamn sound, but I could feel him moving behind me.

He touched my hip, and a second later, the light turned on.

The shower and the toilet were in their own freaking room. With its own door.

I gritted my teeth as I moved past him. I started to shove the door closed but he caught it, his eyes stormy. “Do. You. Need. Something?” he asked again.

Did I need something?

My blood was starting to boil.

My heart rate had picked up.

I felt heat all over my body.

Did I need something?

I needed a life again.

I needed my sister back.

While I was at it, I’d like a mother back, too. A father would be nice.

A normal childhood, while we’re asking for unrealistic favors here.

Please and thank you with a goddamn cherry on top.

Did I say any of that?

I opened my mouth. I was about to, but then his eyes flashed and he shoved me into the smaller part of the bathroom. He closed and locked the door and his mouth was on me as his hands lifted me up.

I’m thinking he understood me perfectly, right about now.

My legs wound around his waist, my arms around his back as we began a frenzy of losing our clothes.

Then we were in the shower. He pressed me against the wall.

I needed more. More of him. More of this feeling. More of everything, everywhere. Just, more.

I gasped, raking my nails down his back, and he turned me, pressing my chest to the wall. He kicked my legs apart, angled me back, and sheathed himself inside.

I groaned, my eyes closed, and savored the feel of him.

He pushed in, all the way in, and held.

I think he was savoring it, too, but then he began moving and my mind turned completely off.

I wanted him to fuck me hard.

I wanted it rough.

I wanted it long.

And when he was done, I wanted him to do it all over again. I wanted to escape, and judging by the way he gripped my hips, thrusting inside of me, I was pretty sure he needed this just as bad.

Good. Fucking good.

28

Ash

We never did blow up Oscar’s building.

It was probably a silly notion to have, but I was pissed the next day as we piled into a rented minivan and headed out.

We were now entering Arkansas. We weren’t flying because we were transporting guns. Guess that was a no-brainer. I did wonder if Raize had his other guys remain back in Texas or if they were ahead of us. I’d have to wait until we were alone, or… nope. Never mind. I didn’t want to know.

I’d already shared too much with Raize. I felt in too deep, and it was uncomfortable—like there was something writhing around under my skin and I couldn’t get it out. Part of me didn’t want to get it out. With other bosses, I’d be thinking about the next guy I might be working for by now. But with Raize, I didn’t want that. That was the “too deep” part of this situation.

It wasn’t good either.

You can never rely on someone. I mean, big picture. If you’re in a shoot-out, you’re going to rely on the people shooting next to you, but that wasn’t this particular situation.

I was thinking too much.

I needed to stop.

Other demons, other haunts tended to come out then.

Gus moved his head, laying it on my lap, and I petted him as I looked over into the car next to us on the highway. A bunch of girls were in it, all laughing, all drinking from travel mugs. One wore a University of Arkansas shirt.

Yeah…

Another life. Another world.

That wasn’t mine anymore.

It never had been.

I needed to get over it.

29

Ash

Twenty-six hours later, we were in Philadelphia. We drove straight through, stopping for food and bathroom breaks and that was about it. Everyone took a turn driving, and everyone took a turn sleeping.

Except Gus. Gus slept the entire time.

Jake, Cavers, and I carried everything into Raize’s house once we arrived. The boss took off. I was figuring he had calls to make, calls that I definitely wanted nothing to do with. We were just about done. I had the last bag and I was taking it inside.

Cavers was in the doorway. He was lingering there.

That’s right, I remembered. He doesn’t stay here with us.

Man. It felt like so long ago when we’d been here last, like a different life.

So much had changed.

Jake moved past Cavers up the stairs, Gus trailing behind him, his tail wagging.

Jake went to the second floor, giving me a lingering look. Gus sniffed my hands, but I didn’t have any treats for him, so he went on up the stairs, too.

Raize hadn’t come out of his office in the back. His bedroom was back there, too.

Jesus.

His bedroom. Where he used to party, with multiple women.

My mouth dried. Was he going to go back to those habits? Would I be mad if he did? Raize never went long without a sex party, so I needed to figure out my viewpoint on that issue real quick.