He could grab it so quickly, so easily.

I wanted to fold over. “No, no, no.”

“I—” Jake looked around the room.

Looking for allies? Help?

Cavers had shut down now. I couldn’t see Raize’s face, but his body was primed. Ready. He’d kill Jake in a heartbeat, and he wouldn’t feel a thing while he did.

Jake saw this, knew this, and his face clouded over. “Fuck.”

His eyes found mine, and I knew we were both remembering that day the other henchman had been killed. Just one question. That’s all it took. One question from Raize and one answer from me, and Jake had to dispose of two bodies that day.

“Carloni wants you dead,” Jake confessed.

Raize didn’t move.

Jake studied him a moment and let out a bitter laugh. “Right. You already know that. You already know that he put me in your employment to report to him.” He continued to study Raize, and anger flashed in his eyes. His jaw went rigid. “You knew the whole time?” His eyes slid to me. “She knows, too? You told her, and that’s why she wants nothing to do with me?”

Raize moved now.

It was mesmerizing.

His back straightened, and his head rose, but it wasn’t just that. It was a whole transformation, as if he had shed his skin and a new Raize stood in front of us. A new predator. He had shed whatever was holding him back. We could feel his power rippling through the room.

“What’d you give Carloni?” he asked calmly.

“Nothing!” Jake’s nostrils flared. He was enraged. He threw his arms wide, yelling, “I gave him nothing! That’s the fucking joke here. I was loyal to you.” His chin jerked at me. “To her.” His eyes narrowed at Cavers. “Don’t know about that fucker, but yeah, you and her. I chose you guys. I wanted to work for you, not Carloni, but it’s the same shit. He owns me. He knows my woman, and he’s keeping her.” Some of the fight faded from him. His head hung down. “He’s keeping her.”

Raize shifted, turning to me.

No, no, no.

Oh no.

I shook my head. I didn’t want him to do what I knew he was going to do.

Betrayal was betrayal to him. He didn’t get involved. He did his job, and Cavers was one thing, but now Jake was muddying everything up. He wouldn’t keep both alive. He’d have to eliminate one.

“Is he telling the truth?” Raize asked me.

Relief hit me hard, making my knees rattle.

This question I wanted to answer. I nodded. “Yes.”

Raize took a step closer to me, lowering his voice. “Did he betray me?”

No! I shook my head. “You can’t word it that way.”

His eyes were hot, his jaw hard. “Answer me.”

I wouldn’t. “Ask it in another way.” Fuck him. He wanted to kill Jake. I didn’t.

Jake was like me—kind of. He was caught between one boss and another, but he didn’t have an agenda. I did.

This wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair.

“Answer the question.”

“No! I’m not answering.” I gritted my teeth, showing him. “Say. It. Another. Way.”

Jake’s voice was soft. “I never gave Carloni anything on you.”

Raize ignored him, now fixated on me. His eyes smoldered. “Answer the question, Ash.”

Ash. That fake name again.

I shook my head. “I won’t answer.”

“Fuck’s sake,” Cavers bit out, moving.

I sprang, leaping at Raize.

He caught me, but he didn’t stop me.

My arm was around him and I shoved away, his gun coming with me.

Everyone froze. The temperature in the room dropped.

Raize started for me, but I yelled, “No!” I hurried back, shuffling until I hit the wall. I gulped, shoving down a lump because I knew what I needed to do.

I wouldn’t point it at him. I’d never do that. And I’d learned today that I wouldn’t aim it at Jake or Cavers either, and I didn’t want to ask myself why not. I really only had one move here.

I put the gun to my head and took the safety off. “I said no.”

31

Ash

No one moved, or at least it seemed that way until Raize streaked over to me, ripping the gun away and holding me against the wall with his arm pressed against my chest. His eyes were wide, shocked. He dropped the magazine clip from the gun, letting it fall to the ground, then he tossed the weapon to a chair behind him.

All the while, his eyes didn’t move from mine.

All the while, no one breathed in the room.

Then, a guttural sound ripped from him and he barked, “Out! Now!”

Cavers left first.

Jake moved at a slower pace and paused at the door. “Boss—”

Raize let me go, grabbing the door and slamming it shut. Jake had a choice to either get hit or move out of the way. He scrambled into the hallway and Raize locked the door.

I moved away from him.

“You’d kill yourself?” he demanded.

I opened my mouth, but no words came. I closed it again and hung my head.

“Are you suicidal?”

I closed my eyes, folding over to sit on Raize’s loveseat. I rested my forehead to my knees and took a breath.

Just one goddamn breath. Tears blurred my vision.

What was I doing?

I didn’t know anymore.

“You told me you had a list. You’d give that up?”

I said nothing.

“Answer me!”

I couldn’t. I was choking on my tears.

A normal boyfriend, or even a normal friend, might move closer. They might’ve touched me, gently. They might’ve hugged me.

This was not that situation. This was so not that situation.

Raize hung back, staring at me until I lifted my face.

He winced and looked away for a moment, but then the wall slammed down over him. He was unsettled.

I almost started laughing. “You have no idea how to handle me.”

He went still again, and when he finally looked my way, there was a glimmer in his eyes I’d never seen before.

He almost looked human, not such a robot. He could’ve been someone I’d known in my fantasy life. Maybe a hot college guy? A jock? No. A soldier—someone who’d come back from doing a tour, had some time off, and I met at a bar? That seemed more fitting.

“I’m not suicidal,” I told him.

“You put the gun to your head.”

“I…” I didn’t even know. I couldn’t explain what I didn’t know. “Ask me about Jake in a different way.”

“There is no other way.”

“You know there is! Ask it in a different way.” I shoved up to my feet. This was the fight here.

I was sick of the killing.

I could not handle one more body, especially not someone I knew.

My chest heaved. “Ask it in a different way.”

I liked Jake. I was hurt by what he said, but he wasn’t on my list anymore.

I frowned. “What happened with Cavers?”

“None of your business!” he erupted, his hands flying in the air, but he was moving farther away from me. His back hit the wall, and he let me see him, how haunted he was, how stricken. He let it all out for me to see and read, though I wasn’t sure he knew it. “I don’t run my decisions through some pussy I like plowing.”