“I wasn’t going to tell her anything because it wouldn’t have mattered.”

I heard the “but” at the end of his statement and waited for the other shoe to drop. The longer he took to spit it out, the more guilt I read all over his stupid face. “So, what changed?” I finally pried, keeping my voice casual.

At least I have weed.

“Let me guess,” I drawled when he said nothing. “You fucked her too?” I felt my heart beating out of control as I waited for him to admit it.

“She kissed me.”

I balled my fists and put all my focus on not using them on my best friend. “And?”

No way that was all they’d done. Rich had stayed with her for the rest of the drive up to Denver. I just assumed they’d been playing Scrabble or something since they were both Houston’s doormats.

“We didn’t have sex.”

“So what did you do?”

“Not all of us kiss and tell. Now come the fuck on. Time to go.”

I smiled even though he’d already turned away, and it wasn’t entirely forced. “I didn’t think you had it in you.” That made him stop in his tracks. “I didn’t think you’d cheat on your wife, fuck behind your best friend, and screw over your other best friend. Good job growing some balls, man.”

“Fuck you, Loren.”

“You did, remember? You’re just mad that I didn’t want seconds.”

Rich stormed off, and I smirked as I watched him go. Maybe now he’d finally give up this dream of us being friends again. The next time I was in L.A., I’d be sure to spit on Calvin’s grave. He hadn’t been from Portland like us, hadn’t grown up with us either. We didn’t owe him shit.

Sometime around one in the morning, I moseyed back over to where the buses were parked. Even high as fuck, I still noticed one missing.

Best couple of grand I’d ever spent.

I woke up much earlier than I liked for a Saturday morning. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to the rocking of the bus that told me when we were back on the road. I didn’t leave the stateroom last night even after Loren made his presence loud and clear. I didn’t want to allow him to take his anger out on me—even if it wasn’t entirely misplaced. Guilt didn’t mean I had to be his punching bag.

By now, he and Houston probably knew what I’d done with Rich. I didn’t think that Rich would kiss and tell, but something had tipped them off. It was hard not to remember the thrill of Rich fucking my mouth and the power I felt when pleasing him.

Some have a natural instinct for sex. Some need to be taught to let go. The rest spend their entire lives fucking and never quite get it.

Anyone who knew what to look for would see right through me.

I’d been taught that sex outside of the marriage bed was a sin for which there could be no forgiveness. It contradicted the teachings of a merciful God, but my parents had been adamant. I’d burn in hell for all of eternity.

Whore.

Sinner.

Doomed.

How else could I rationalize dropping to my knees for Rich less than a day after spreading my legs for Houston?

I loved every moment.

Being with Houston and Rich had bared more than just my body. I hadn’t felt free until I let them touch me, hold me…use me. I had an agenda when I agreed to do this tour, and now there was something in it for me.

If I truly had a sickness, I hoped I never found a cure.

This time I wouldn’t be left alone. The three rock stars sleeping on the other side of the door wouldn’t use my body and then blame me for enticing them. They wouldn’t run into the light and beg for salvation. Houston, Loren, and Jericho had no interest in being saved. It was in the darkness that they thrived.

My thoughts were too chaotic to lull me back to sleep, so I dragged myself from the bed and relieved my bladder. With only one eye barely open, I shuffled out of the bedroom as quietly as I could. The last thing I wanted was to wake the prom queens. The windowless bunk area was still dark despite it being morning and filled with the loud snores of a slumbering bear.

Rich.

Now that I was back on the island, I planned to invest in a pair of noise-canceling headphones. Otherwise, I had a year of sleepless nights ahead of me.

I made it three more steps before I was stopped by a muscled arm lined with thick veins that shot out and blocked my path. The passage was narrow and the arm long enough for the strong, talented fingers to connect with my empty bunk. Staring back at me were eyes so dark that in the shadows of his bunk, I could only feel Loren watching me.

He was the last person I expected to find awake before dawn.

Houston was usually the early riser. My theory was that he used the quiet time alone to plot how to make the rest of our lives hell.

Leaning forward, the faint glow of the LED lights activated by the dark allowed me to see Loren’s tired eyes. I wondered if he’d been up all night and if it was for the same reasons that plagued me?

I’m so sorry.

I couldn’t tell him that, though, because Loren was too used to getting his way. I owed him nothing.

“Are you going to let me through? It’s too early in the morning for your shit, Lo.”

Loren stared at me for several heart-pounding moments before moving his arm. I thought I’d gotten off scot-free when that same arm hooked around my waist and proved me wrong.

I was lifted off my feet before I could tell him to let me go. I was then dragged inside the bunk and the darkness surrounding him.

I didn’t fight him when he placed me on the mattress next to him. Even with all the custom modifications they’d done, the bunks were narrow, and Loren took up a lot of space.

There was nowhere for me to go.

Spooning me from behind, Loren trapped me between his naked body and the wall. Who the hell slept in the nude with other people sleeping less than five feet away? All he wore was his medallion.

“Sorry, were you going somewhere?” the sarcastic ass finally spoke.

With sleep adding an extra dose of gruffness to his voice, my reaction was the same as drinking fine liquor. My belly warmed, and I was drunk instantly. If I were standing right now, I’d be swaying on my feet and then lying about the cause to keep my dignity.

“Yup.” Before I could push his hand away, his arm tightened around me, and I knew it wasn’t a reflex. By now, he knew my natural instinct was to fight even when I didn’t want to. “Do you mind?” I snapped. It was obvious he wouldn’t let go.

“Actually, I do. I’ve been staring at this fucking ceiling and listening to that whore snore all night,” he griped, referring to Rich. “I was finally drifting off when your rude ass stomped through here like you wanted to be noticed.”

“I was not stomping.”

“But you wanted to be noticed?”

I didn’t respond. Whatever I said, he’d find a way to twist it. Unfortunately, my silence spoke louder. I couldn’t see Loren’s face, but I knew he was smug.

“Jericho is not a whore,” I whispered and immediately felt lame. It was the only thing I could think to say with his footlong spreading my ass like a bun. I wanted to see for myself if he was truly as long and thick as he felt.

Please, God, no. It wouldn’t be fair for Loren to be this cocky and back it up.

Houston was big.

Rich was bigger.

Statistically, one of them had to have a little dick, right?

“Defending your boyfriend while you’re spooning his best friend’s dick? Real classy, baby fawn.” I rolled my eyes at his insistence on using a nickname that didn’t make any sense. I’d asked him a dozen times to stop, but he was determined to claim me any way he could.

Was Loren that desperate to have me or using me to provoke his friends? Houston wanted them to keep their hands off, but he never banked on me being the problem. Men never do. It’s why women made better spies and were ten times as lethal.

Rather than waste time explaining that Rich and I weren’t together when he already knew, I decided to kick him while he was already down. Loren’s mind might be sharp, but my claws were sharper.

“Jealous?”

I waited and waited for a response that never came. Had he finally fallen asleep? I tried to peer over my shoulder, but he held me too tight.

“Loren?”

“I don’t answer stupid questions.”

Don’t head butt him, Braxton. “No. You only ask them and then throw a tantrum when you don’t like the answer.”

Loren tucked his face inside my neck with a tired exhale that I felt in my bones. I hated myself even more for being the cause.

As if he could hear my mind turning, he said, “Go back to sleep, baby fawn.”

This time I found myself smiling at the nickname. I hadn’t broken him, after all. “I thought we had an agreement?”

“Yeah. So did I.”

I didn’t say anything after that. Shutting me up had been his plan, and it worked. There was no way I was going back to sleep, so I decided to recite the musical alphabet in my head. I needed something to distract me from wanting to ride his morning wood. By the time I reached F-sharp, the slow sound of his breathing, which told me he was asleep, pulled me under.