We’d just arrived to our room when I noticed Kendall staring pensively out of the window at the sandy desert.

“Are you okay?”

“I just need a shower,” she answered without turning to me.

Her tone alarmed me. I needed to fix this. All I wanted was to undo the damage done by the arrest.

“Let me run you a bath.”

Despite the fact that she didn’t answer me, I proceeded to the bathroom to set up the tub until it was filled with water and soap. Still feeling anxious about her mindset, I returned to the bedroom and offered her my hand to lift her off the bed.

Leading her into the bathroom, I wanted nothing more than to hold her under the warm water.

“Take off your clothes,” I demanded. “But leave your bra and underwear on because we’re bathing together.”

Relieved that she didn’t protest, I took off my pants, keeping my boxer briefs on before immersing myself in the water. After she removed her dress, my cock swelled at the sight of her fit body in nothing but panties and a bra. I reached my hand out to her.

“Get in. I promise I won’t bite.”

She hesitantly dipped her legs in one by one then lowered her body in front of mine, situating herself between my knees. With her back pressed against my chest and her ass so close to my crotch, my hard-on couldn’t be helped. Hopefully, she understood.

Kendall had her hair tied back into a ponytail. Pulling at the hairband, I watched as her beautiful blonde mane came loose. Cupping some of the warm water in my hands, I repeatedly wet her hair then poured a dollop of shampoo into my palm.

I began to slowly massage her scalp as she bent her head back. “Relax, baby,” I whispered. “Just relax.” I wanted nothing more than to take care of this girl right now, make her feel safe again.

It was quiet aside from the faint sound of men speaking Arabic in the adjacent room. After several minutes of near-silence, Kendall spoke for the first time.

“Am I a fool, Carter?”

I instinctively stopped the movement of my fingers through her hair to process her question. “What do you mean?”

“What am I doing here?”

My heart sank. Hearing that question was like a punch to the gut. “You regret following me?”

She sat up a bit and paused before speaking. “You’re a beautiful man…so charismatic…such a free spirit. And you make me feel things I’ve never felt before. But I think I got carried away. I just don’t understand how I’m going to get out of whatever this is unscathed.”

“Why are you worrying about things that haven’t happened? Why can’t it just be about the present?”

“I can think of many reasons why it can’t be.”

“Okay…what are they? Talk to me. Aside from the arrest, tell me why everything that happened before that point led you to suddenly believe that all of this is a colossal mistake.” The angry tone of my own voice surprised me. My body went rigid as I waited for her response.

“It’s not just about you. I’ve been selfish. You wanna know why all of this is fucked up? Because there are two men, who I’ve led on, waiting to meet me in five days, two men who are leaving it up to me to determine if they’re going to have a family or not. Because I’m supposed to be taking prenatal vitamins, not drinking. Because I haven’t decided at all whether I’m going through with any of it. Because I overheard Jolene on the plane telling the other flight attendant—who you also screwed over—what an asshole you are. Because my lawyer who got me off the hook is yet another one of your cheap lays. Because I feel like maybe I’m a fool for thinking I’m somehow different than all of them. Because maybe my getting arrested was a sign that sleeping with you would have been a colossal mistake. Because I still don’t know if I can trust you. I can really go on and on.”

That was hard to hear, and I honestly didn’t know what to say. I could understand her doubts about me, and no matter how strongly I felt about her, there wasn’t going to be an easy way to prove it to her.

After a long silence, I finally said, “I understand the situation you’re in, and you’re right to have those concerns about me.”

“There’s just so much at stake, and I could be sacrificing everything for a man who’s going to burn me. How am I different from them, Carter? Tell me. All the other women…how am I any different?”

I knew this was it. This was my only chance to answer that question in as honest a way as possible, or I was going to lose her.

I ran my wet hands through my hair and let out a deep breath. “I’m not proud of myself for the way I’ve lived my life thus far. Everything you’ve heard…it’s all true, Kendall, all of it. I’m not trying to hide anything from you. But nothing has been the same since the day we met. I don’t know how to exactly explain why this feels different. It’s still too new. The only thing I continue to be sure of is that I want more time to figure it out, more than I want anything.”

Her breathing became heavier, and I knew I needed to look her in the eyes.

“I need you to turn around and face me.”

When she finally did, I repositioned my legs around her, locking her in. “This is me, the real me. Not the pilot, not the playboy or any of the labels branded on me because of dumb decisions. I need you to know that the last thing I want is to hurt you. I will do everything in my power to avoid that. But you have to understand that I can’t change my fucked-up past.”

Her eyes started to well up. “It’s not just you. I’m so fucked up, too, Carter.

I wiped a tear that fell down her cheek with my thumb. “We’re both fucked up. Maybe that’s what it is. Maybe we see a little of ourselves in each other. We’re two wrongs that somehow make a right. Inseparable we’re miserable, but together…we somehow work. I know this isn’t a simple situation. I know you have decisions to make.”

“I’m scared.”

“Wanna know the truth? I’m scared for you, too. When you told me what was going on with you back in Rio, I really hadn’t let it sink in. I thought a lot about it on the flight over here, actually. That’s some scary shit. But I understand your dilemma. It’s a lot of freaking money—your family’s legacy. You feel a responsibility to uphold that, and you’re trying to do it in a way that would actually help people—these guys in Germany. But you’re not ready to make a decision, Kendall. I don’t want you to make a mistake you can never take back. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that you’re just not ready to commit to having a child. That’s not gonna change in five days, either. You need more time. You need to put off that trip to Germany at least until you’re sure.”