She wanted to. Oh God, she wanted to. But deep down in her gut she knew she couldn’t. She couldn’t do it to him, saddle him down with the likes of her and a baby that wasn’t his. Heart in her throat, she shook her head. “I can’t, Holden.”

He looked at her for a long moment, nodded, and then walked away. Without taking his key back.

“Your key,” she called after him.

But he rounded the corner and was gone.

FROM THE SHOTGUN position of Lanie’s car, River shifted for the hundredth time. “Ungh.”

Lanie glanced over with a look of complete exasperation. “Are you serious? Again? It’s only been ten miles since the last pit stop.”

“Hey,” River said, feeling defensive, and uncomfortable as hell. They’d been on the road for two hours and it was two hours too long. Granted, the drive was beautiful. They were going south on 101 toward Santa Barbara. Green rolling hills after green rolling hills, dotted with oak trees that reached north to the stunning clear blue sky. Having never traveled anywhere except to Wildstone, she wanted to soak it in and enjoy it, but she couldn’t. “You try surviving with two feet kicking your bladder like it’s a drum set. You know what we need? A TV. I’m going to miss Ellen today.”

“We’re almost there. Can you make it?”

“Define almost.”

Lanie sighed and found a gas station.

When they were on the road again, River needed something to take her mind off her inability to get comfortable. “So . . . you and Mark?”

Lanie didn’t react except to grip the wheel tighter.

“Closed subject?” River asked.

“Unclear subject,” Lanie corrected.

“What does that mean?”

Lanie sighed. “That other than enjoying each other and the fact that he makes me laugh, I don’t know what we’re doing. But I do know it’s a dead end.”

“My mom used to say that if you find someone who makes you laugh and your life flow easier, you should keep them because that’s all you’ll ever need.”

Lanie glanced over. “Maybe you should take that advice.”

“Are you kidding? Look at me.” River gestured to her belly. “Until I got this job, I was homeless. I’m about to pop. What would a guy want with the likes of me?”

“Holden doesn’t seem bothered by any of that.”

River turned to look out the window. “Maybe I’m just not brave enough.”

“Well, that makes two of us.”

Twenty minutes later, Lanie pulled into a town house complex and parked in a driveway. They entered one of the town houses.

“This is your place?” River asked, looking around. It was small, neat, and utterly devoid of personal clutter.

“I leased it after Kyle . . .” Lanie showed her the bathroom with a straight face and no sarcastic comment, saying only “I’ll be in the garage when you’re ready.”

River met her out there five minutes later and stared in surprise at the boxes stacked against one wall. “What’s all this?”

“Stuff I didn’t want to unpack when I moved.”

“Why?”

Lanie shrugged. “Didn’t feel like seeing any of it.”

River nodded even though Lanie hadn’t looked at her. Then she asked a question she hadn’t thought to ask before now. “So how long were you with Kyle?”

Lanie was squatted low before one of the boxes, and oh how River admired that easy, nimble athleticism. She couldn’t remember how long it’d been since she’d seen her own feet, much less been able to crouch low and tie her shoes.

“Dated six months, married for five years,” Lanie finally said.

River sucked in a shocked breath. “Five years?”

“I know. Clearly, I was an idiot.”

“Well, you weren’t alone there,” River said.

Lanie gave a rough laugh. “Not exactly a consolation. And I was a bigger idiot than you.”

“No way.”

“Yes way,” Lanie said and hesitated. “I believed him when he said he didn’t want to have kids, when clearly what he meant was that he didn’t want to have kids with me.” She didn’t look up, just kept her head down, and River felt sucker-punched by Lanie’s pain and humiliation. She opened her mouth to express her sorrow for Lanie, but at the tight, closed look on Lanie’s face she didn’t speak after all. And really, what could she say?

Lanie gestured to a box. “This is it—this is the only box I have of Kyle’s; it came from his boss. I got rid of his clothes, and until I did that, I didn’t even realize how few of his personal effects I had. In hindsight, that should’ve been a glaring sign.” She shook her head. “I’ve not looked in here yet.”

River still had to try. She needed the money. But damn, she had to pee again and plus she was hungry. And on top of that, her lower back was killing her, her feet were swollen—or so she assumed by how tight her sandals felt—and the stretchy waistband on her capris was cutting into her. She wanted to lie down and close her eyes and not open them again until she won the lottery or labor was over, preferably both. “I’d like to look through it anyway.”

“Suit yourself.”

LANIE MANHANDLED THE box open, very aware of the fact that River stood above her holding her breath. From inside Lanie’s pocket her cell phone vibrated an incoming text. Probably Mark. He’d texted her during the drive, checking in on them. Ignoring him for the moment, she peered into the box.

“What’s in there?” River asked tightly.

“His cell phone.” Lanie pushed it to the side. “His wallet . . . empty of cash, of course.” She rifled through a file. “Work stuff.” She pulled out his work badge and a watch. And then a stack of five journals, each with a different name on the front. Stacy, Kendra, Brigit . . . Lanie flipped through them and stilled.

“What?” River asked.

“Nothing.” Heart pounding, she hurriedly tried to shove the journals back in the box, not wanting River to see.

“No, stop.” Somehow River managed to drop to her knees and she had a death grip on Lanie’s wrist. “What is it? Come on, Lanie, you’re scaring me— Ohmygod,” she gasped when she caught sight of the last two journals, one labeled Lanie, the other River. “He was keeping journals on each of us?” She gasped again. “Are there . . . pictures? Like nude photos?”

Lanie blinked. “You posed nude for him?”

River bit her lower lip, looking panicked. “Once,” she whispered. “It was his birthday—”

“Stop.” Lanie pressed her heels into her eyes. “I don’t want to know things that are going to implode my brain.”

River grimaced and closed her eyes. “I’m never falling for a man again. Do you think I could become a lesbian?”

“You can be anything you want, but to change teams, you’d have to give up Holden.”

“He’s not mine to give up.”

“Because his leave is about over and he has to go back? Or because you’re as screwed up as I am?”

River suddenly doubled over and Lanie reached for her. “What? What is it, the baby?”