“Just leave me alone!” He took off running down the jetty.

I called after him a few times, but when he stopped down the path to pick up rocks and hurl them into the water, I thought it might be better to give him some headspace. He didn’t usually get upset talking about his mother, but what I’d told him was a lot to absorb and probably opened a lot of old wounds, along with creating new ones.

Lucas didn’t speak to me for the rest of the afternoon. But he also didn’t ask me to take him home early. So I didn’t. Instead, I stopped at the store and picked up a cheap rod and some tackle and took him to a lake to fish. If I asked something, he growled a one-word answer. I found a certain amount of comfort in knowing that even when he was upset and angry, he still didn’t completely ignore me.

As we got close to his house, I knew he wouldn’t leave me any time to talk to him once we arrived. He’d hop out the minute I stopped and slam the door behind him. Hell, I would’ve done the same at his age. Which is why I eased up on the gas and said my piece during the last five minutes of the drive.

“I understand you’re upset with me. And I’m not looking for you to talk to me right now. But I need you to know that none of the time I’ve spent with you was borne out of guilt. Do I feel guilty about what happened and wish it had been different? Every damn day of my life. But that’s not why I come visit you. I come visit you because I loved your mother like she was my sister.” I started to get choked up, and my voice broke. “And I love you with all of my heart. You can hate me if you want for what happened. I deserve that. But there’s nothing more honest in my life than what I’ve got with you, Lucas.”

We pulled up in front of his house, and I turned my head to try to hide wiping my tears. Lucas looked over at me, stared into my eyes for the longest time, and then turned and got out of my car without a word.

Chapter 43

* * *

Annalise

“You sure you’re okay?”

I took Bennett’s plate from in front of him. He’d barely eaten anything.

“Yeah. Just tired.” He rubbed at the back of his neck.

“Did you not like the chicken?”

“No, it was great. I…umm…ate with Lucas earlier. I wasn’t thinking. Sorry I didn’t finish when you went to all that work.”

I set our plates in the sink and prompted Bennett to pull his chair back from the table a little. Sitting on his lap, I stroked his hair. “It’s fine. I don’t care at all. You just seem…somewhere else tonight.”

“Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” I stood and offered him my hand. “Come on. You’re tired, and you’ve been rubbing at that neck since you got here. Let me get the knots out.”

Bennett took my hand, and I led him into my bedroom. He slipped off his shoes and sat down on the edge of the mattress.

I walked into the bathroom and grabbed the half empty bottle of baby oil I kept under the sink for my dry skin. “Take off your shirt, so I don’t get it oily.”

When watching me pour oil onto my hands didn’t invite any lewd comments, I knew whatever was bothering him was more than neck pain and being tired. I got up on my knees behind him and began to massage the baby oil into his skin. His chin dropped to his chest as I worked my fingers into the muscles.

“You weren’t kidding. You’re so tense. It’s like one giant knot back here.”

Bennett made a sound that was a cross between a groan of pleasure and pain as I dug my fingers deeper into his flesh.

“Feel good?”

He nodded.

After I’d loosened the muscles in his neck, I figured I’d loosen another muscle. So I reached around his chest and unbuckled his belt while kissing the back of his neck. Then I climbed off the bed and stood between his legs before dropping to my knees.

The sound of the zipper on Bennett’s jeans echoed through the room. Reaching into his pants, I cupped his cock, and he let out a loud, shaky breath. I’d thought it was the sound of his self-control slipping, but when I looked up, I found his eyes shut and his face twisted in pain.

“Bennett?” I pulled back. “What’s wrong?”

His eyes opened. “Nothing.”

“Don’t tell me it’s nothing. You look so upset.”

He stood and took a few steps away from me. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that. What’s going on with you?”

I waited quietly for him to say something, but he just continued to take deep, steady breaths, in and out. It seemed like he was trying to pull himself together, rein in his control.

Bennett ran a hand through his hair. “Fuuuuuck!” He sounded angry, but I could tell whatever it was, he was angry with himself, not me.

“Talk to me.”

He paced a few times and then sat back down on the edge of the bed, head in his hands and fingers pulling at his hair.

I knelt in front of him. “Bennett?”

I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed. And then his shoulders started to shake. At first, I thought he was laughing—some sort of maniacal laughter that needed to come out because it was either that or break down and cry.

But then he looked up.

And I saw his eyes filled with unshed tears.

My heart stopped.

He wasn’t laughing; he was silently crying—doing everything in his power not to let it out.

“Oh God, Bennett. What’s wrong? What happened?”

Chapter 44

* * *

Annalise

I held him tight.

His shoulders shook for so long, I knew I needed to brace for the sound when it finally came. It was an ear-splitting, heartbreaking, soul-crushing noise when it did. I had no idea what could possibly cause so much pain. But I knew I wanted to take some of it away for him.

I rubbed his back, stroked his hair, assured him with tender words that everything was going to be okay. Whatever it was, this was pain that had built for a long time. It wasn’t new, not the type that happens when you lose someone unexpectedly or suddenly find out the man you thought you knew wasn’t the man you fell in love with. The pain that emanated from Bennett was the kind that had spent years bottled up—like a volcano that erupts after a hundred years of being dormant and suddenly its fire is shooting three-hundred feet into the air.

I started to cry with him, even though I had no idea what we were crying about. It was just too emotional to watch and not be moved to tears of my own. We held each other for such a long time.

“It’s going to be okay,” I whispered. “It’s going to be okay.”

Eventually Bennett’s shudders started to slow. I wasn’t sure if it was because I’d brought him comfort or he just had no more tears to cry. He took a few long, deep, shaky breaths in and out, and his grip on me loosened.

His face had been buried in my neck. I wanted to look at him, to see his face, but I was half afraid that once I pulled back and saw the pain in his eyes, I’d lose it all over again, even if he was okay.

When both our breathing had returned to normal and neither of us was crying anymore, I cleared my hoarse throat. “Do you want me to get you something to drink? A water or something?”

Bennett shook his head, keeping it down so I couldn’t see him, but one of his hands lifted to my face.

He pressed his palm to my cheek and whispered, “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” I smiled sadly, taking his hand from my face and bringing it to my lips. “Anytime.”

He lifted his head and leaned his forehead to mine. His eyes were swollen and red, but the half smile he managed was real. “Thanks for the offer. But I’m hoping that was the first and last time you’ll be seeing that.”

He sounded more like Bennett already.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He looked up. “Not yet.”

“Okay. Well, you know where to find me if you do.”

He grinned sadly. “In Texas?”

I started to laugh. “Boy, that didn’t take you long. And here I was thinking you’d be nice to me after how nice I was to you. I should’ve known better.”

Bennett scooped me up and surprised me by swinging me up to the top of the bed near the headboard. He climbed on top of me. “Are you saying I owe you one?”

I nodded with a giant, ear-to-ear grin. “Maybe more than one.”

He chuckled. “Well, I’d better get started on that right away.”

His face moved to my neck once more, only this time he definitely wasn’t crying. We wrapped ourselves around one another. Not ten minutes ago, we’d both been emotional wrecks, and now those feelings had transformed into want and need.

Bennett kissed me passionately, with so much tenderness and worship. Our desire for one another had never been an issue, but this moment felt different for some reason. When he broke the kiss to slip off my clothes, he looked down at me as if no one else in the world existed. The smile he wore when he pushed inside of me touched me deeply. I knew in my heart that something had changed. Then he solidified that feeling by making love to me for the very first time.

***

“I told Lucas the truth about me tonight.”